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hardworkingWatermelon8957
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2022 Member sinceApril 7, 2022
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Should i go? How do I go?
Relationship Stress / by hardworkingWatermelon8957
Last post
 April 22nd, 2022
...See more Hello all. I have noone in my life I can talk to and this group is my safe space. TLDR: How do you know when a relationship is over? *Like properly over, not just your mind being stubborn and rigid on the idea. And not your depression taking over your mind. I feel like sometimes I'm imaging things but I know I'm not. I'm scared I can't start again as a single mother, who would want me either. I was trapped in a loveless relationship with my first husband, I only got married to him because I thought that's what the next step was. I felt like I didn't have a choice and outward pressure to have a wedding started and it snowballed from there. It took all I had to divorce him. My current husband caught me soon after when I obviously had zero self esteem and felt unlovable from a 10 yr relationship of zero love. Looking back he 'love bombed' me, promised children which my ex was 100% against, took me on dates bought me a gift, basically promised the world. I jumped in head first, someone finally showed me affection! Wanted a family with me! There were many 🚩🚩 but I overlooked them. Once I was pregnant with my first I almost left, I was so close but I stayed. Our second child came along and i feel like the years passed in a blur, i don't know I got where I am now but It's like I've finally taken breathe, looked back and I'm in deep. He never proposed juzt said we might as well have the same last name, not that gifts matter but he hasn't bothered with a present or even a thoughtful message or card fir any occasion in the last 7 years. He yells at the kids and terrifies yhem and triggers me and I feel in constant fight or flight mode waiting for the next blow up. He doesn't yell all the time so I feel like I can justify it. He's forever on his phone playing this game that has social chat too, he literally always has it in one hand unless it's charging. I've bought it up so many times but he goes straight to pissed off defensive mode so I've given up. I can't even talk to him if he has it, I don't even try anymore. He can't even bath the kids without it! I've asked him many times to get help for anger and possible depression but he says no thanks I'm fine. He said he was leaving 1.5yrs ago because apparently I didn't wear a bra when the handyman came over once so clearly I was flirting, i was working 3 jobs to stay afloat but was too tired for sex so that apparently meant I didn't like him anymore. He eventually decided to stay but I always remember how easily he was just going to leave. After the last yelling episode I told him he scared us all which apparently hurt his feelings so he deleted FB and said he was leaving. I left the house to catch my breath and he insisted later that he didn't mean he was leaving me and I'd heard him wrong but I know what he said and he'd removed FB the last time he was leaving too. When he's good he's a good Dad but just does the 'fun' stuff like throwing them in the air, chasing them etc so they obviously love that part. And he doesn't yell all the time. I think he senses something is up as I've been backing away so he's doing things he doesn't usually like ask how my day was etc. I'm so appreciative if you've read this, I have noone else. Thankyou ❤
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