harrypascoe Member Profile

...See more Hey There, I’m struggling with depression and anxiety that feels all-consuming lately. I feel like I’ve written versions of this before, but the feelings are still here and still just as heavy, if not worse. I’ve lost connection with the people I care about. I isolate myself constantly, not because I don’t care, but because I’m overwhelmed and afraid I’ll be a burden. I avoid conversations, even simple ones. I don’t respond to messages. I can’t bring myself to look people in the eye. I even avoid going into the kitchen if someone’s in there. I’m either sleeping way too much or not at all. I feel like I’m using sleep to hide from the day because being awake feels like a battle I’m not equipped for. Even when I sleep, I wake up feeling drained, not rested. I feel like I’m constantly judging the world around me - how performative, disconnected, or morally chaotic it all seems. It makes me feel more alien, like there’s no place for someone who just wants to live gently, honestly, and with purpose. I feel ashamed of my thoughts sometimes, ashamed of my needs, ashamed of just being me. Being at University seems to have driven these feelings to a breaking point. I see the drinking, drugs, the casual hookups, the excess - and it’s everywhere. I feel I can’t trust those who indulge in this lifestyle which wouldn’t be a problem if it just wasn’t so common and considered the ‘norm’. It’s an incredibly lonely and confusing period of my life where I’m wondering why others don’t share the same values or consider them as important as I do. I’m posting this not because I expect easy answers, but because I’m tired of feeling like I’m suffering in silence. I guess I just want to know if anyone else has felt this - like you’re half here, half faded out of life already. Thank you if you read this.

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