hellofromtheotherside Member Profile

...See more I found out yesterday that my dad molested my sister 30 years ago. The abuse went on for 3 years. I also found out my dad was molested by his mother (my grandma) and she was also raped and abused by her father, so it's been generations of awful people apparently. I am beside myself right now. I had no idea any of this happened. My family has its problems, but we have always stuck together, spent holidays together etc. My dad has had his issues, but he has been a (seemingly) good dad and provider for our family, so I had no idea he was capable of this. He was always the "good one" in his family. My mom and my other sister are also shocked and devastated. Our family is now falling apart and my mom plans to leave my dad and sell the house we all grew up in. There are no words to describe what I'm feeling right now. It's a mixture of anger and devastation. I feel like I have lost trust in everyone and everything. I really wish I didn't even know any of this. I'm angry that I even found out. I feel like this burden is not mine to bear and that him teling me was him releasing his guilty conscience on me. I know that may sound selfish of me but the back story is that my family has been one drama after the next my entire life. I have 3 sisters and it's just drama all the time between them. I feel like my mom and I are the ones who always have to carry the load for everyone else's crap and I'm exhausted. I've always been the responsible one who never caused problems. I've always had to be the rock. If things are going bad in my life, I handle it on my own, instead of trying to drag other people down. I would rather just handle it than take it out on others and hurt or worry the people I care about. I've wanted nothing more than to live a peaceful life. On my own I do my best to be a good person, do charitable work, and lead an emotionally stable, healthy, drama-free, happy life. To be honest, I don't know how I turned out as normal as I have given the circumstances and all the pain and fighting that has gone on in my family (which now makes sense in light of this new information). I love my work and friends, but then I carry this massive burden with my family and now with this new information it is absolutely unbearable. I just want to disappear. I feel like I don't even have a real family and that no family is better than this f--ked up situation. I am devastated beyond words. I feel bad for wanting to get away from everyone, but I don't think I can take much more and live a healthy, happy life. I feel like I may be better off cutting ties and distancing myself now. I want to be there for my sister and mom, but I can barely handle my own pain right now, I really can't take anymore. I feel like my family has brought me nothing but pain and anxiety my whole life and it's apparently mulitple generations of bad people. I feel like it's cursed. I truly feel at this point I am better off alone and even having that thought is making me feel guilty and awful. I'm so angry, hurt, and exhausted. I don't know how to process any of this and I go back and forth between numbness and crying. I just needed to vent as I have no one to turn to right now and this is information I would never want to get out to anyone, including my friends. I am so devastated and humiliated. Thanks for listening.... (edited by @sujaypai by moving from the Forum Discussion category)

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