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hematite43
2 141,183 M Soaring Heights 11
The only meaning life has is the meaning we give it.
PathStep 64 Compassion hearts18,173 Forum posts155 Forum upvotes259 Current upvotes259 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2026 Member sinceMay 2, 2016
Bio

Don't expect much from me. I am immersed in depression and existential despair.

There's vampires at my door.

Cruelty is a gift humanity has given itself.

All that you love will be carried away.

Everyone has bad dreams. It's the times we live in, its hard to be happy. It's hard to feel safe.

Wait. Worry. Who Cares?

One should never speed up to catch up with life. One should slow life down to walk at your pace.

A short video on Self-Hatred and Anxiety: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8_PQJNo2wME

A video on signs of childhood neglect: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ETD4TnKW1Tk

A long list of helplines in the U.S.: https://findahelpline.com/countries/us

Low(er) cost therapy options in the U.S. and Canada: https://openpathcollective.org/







Recent forum posts
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Consider: Vocabulary
Hobby Zone / by hematite43
Last post
 October 10th, 2024
...See more It's a bit of a quirk, I suppose, but I love learning and incorporating new words into my vocabulary. I enjoy reading. Actions and emotions can be described in many ways, but it's so cool to see a writer use a particular word...something that really brings out the emotion and power of a scene. Some words are just delicious, I suppose. I decided that I would share some words that I think are excellent additions to one's vocabulary. We all use different words in different contexts, and some of the words I share might be better for personal context or a business context or writing or reading. I will share the word, its definition, and include a link to its pronunciation. I'll also talk a bit about how it's used and why I like it. Since 7Cups is an English-based site (and I only know English), the words I discuss will be in English. At the end of the day, it'll be fun even if it's just me posting, but I welcome your involvement. Share words that you like! I welcome your comments and feedback. 😊
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A quote
Anxiety Support / by hematite43
Last post
 July 28th, 2024
...See more This one spoke to me... "No amount of anxiety makes any difference to anything that is going to happen." --Alan Watts
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I watched a movie last night...
Depression Support / by hematite43
Last post
 March 2nd, 2024
...See more And I'm so sad. So heartbroken for the characters...and for myself. I haven't related to something so much in a long time. I doubt the movie is something that many 7 Cups folk will (or have) watched, but it's about isolation and loneliness and being scared and feeling abandoned and that's all me, all the time. Interesting timing in that my therapist and I had just had a discussion about meaning. He suggested that, absent any inherent meaning in this universe, the strongest meaning we as humans can find is our relationships with each other. Seeing the movie after that conversation with my therapist has really hit me hard. I suppose I feel "seen" in the light of those two things. And the movie has all these other little themes that intersect with my experience and I really feel off-balance now. ***, it hurts. I haven't cried like this in...forever. There's no way I could discuss this with another person in "real life" or in a chatroom, so I'm writing it here. I wonder if I'll bring it up with my therapist, as he's the only person I can think of who might have seen the movie.
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What to do...
Depression Support / by hematite43
Last post
 January 16th, 2024
...See more It's all just empty. I look forward into the future and just see the grey fog. I don't know what to do about that. Nothing seems interesting or appealing or rewarding. It's all just sort of like why the *** should I care? The therapy isn't changing this, nor are the antidepressants. So what?
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Multiple griefs
Grief & Loss / by hematite43
Last post
 January 14th, 2024
...See more My uncle had a heart attack a few days after Christmas. It seemed that he was doing better, but now it seems that his prognosis is not good. He can't swallow on his own, is aggressive with the medical team, and is in a lot of pain. Given his age and other medical issues, the outlook is bleak. In other news, I'm beginning to feel sad about the end of my current job. It doesn't come to an end until early next year, but I can "see" the end from here. I have mixed feelings about this job in general, but the imminent end also feels like loss. I'm tired and sad and worried.
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Who Am I?
Depression Support / by hematite43
Last post
 September 25th, 2023
...See more Obviously I'm depressed, given that I'm posting here. I struggle a lot with finding a purpose or a goal. These past several years, I've existed in a great deal of negativity. It's very hard to shift that mindset, especially since I see so little hope for the future. In watching a YouTube video today, I realized I've been engaged in a lot of judgment of others and that emerges out of and feeds back into negativity. I need to stop that and exist in empathy for others....well, compassion, really. It's far too easy for me to empathize without boundaries and that's not good for my well-being. I might be a well-educated, 40-something person, but I cannot predict all outcomes. Even when I do, I'm certainly not always right. A few situation this week have demonstrated this, to my pleasant surprise. But back to purpose...I think it may be useful in contemplating who/what I don't want to be, as much as I contemplate who/what I do want to be. That's all for now.
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What to do when there's nothing you can do?
Depression Support / by hematite43
Last post
 September 8th, 2023
...See more I think my current bout of depression is related to the realization that there's nothing I can do in the face of the catastrophic factors, namely climate change and AI, that are/will cause misery and suffering for humanity. But, more fundamental than that, is this belief I have that humanity can and should improve itself, that we should try to be more/better than we are as a species. Obviously that isn't going to happen because human nature doesn't really change, and it's just as easy for humanity to fall back into a dark age after periods of enlightenment. Sometimes we're good and sometimes we're bad. That's just what we are and there's no shame in accepting it. Still, it's very hard for me to let go of the idea that we elevate ourselves as a species. So, with all of that said, what's the point on caring about anything?
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Tired and inertia
Depression Support / by hematite43
Last post
 July 9th, 2023
...See more Do you ever just feel tired of stuff? Like even going through a the multi factor authorization on an account is exhausting? I called in sick to work. I will have to go to my therapy appointment this afternoon because I'll get charged anyway if I don't. I just don't want to do anything but stay at home. I don't know where this came from all of a sudden.
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