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heonnie
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2022 Member sinceJuly 23, 2022
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Asking help from ppl with BPD to help me with someone with BPD
Personality Disorders Support / by heonnie
Last post
 August 9th, 2022
...See more Hi! I came here because I really wanted to hear from someone who actually has BPD and can maybe guide me through this situation. I understand BPD can be still very different to other people but I trust you guys can give the best insight. I’ll try to keep things short as much as I can with enough info for u guys to help me. I met this guy 2 years ago on tinder. I broke things off with him in a month because I felt really anxious and saw he was not feeling okay (I didn’t know about the diagnosis back then). When I told him I can’t be with him like this and he should find help first (then he told me he had BPD). We didn’t really keep in touch after this, I was acting up too so not everything was his fault. After almost a year of no contact I had this urge to ask him how he’s been (had been thinking about him a long time and how I acted back then was just my fears). But this is when I learned he had moved back to the city where he’s from and he had settled there. He didn’t want to pursue relationship with me with such a long distance. So we decided to stay friends. This however end up being very difficult to me since I still very dearly liked him. So for almost a year there were many periods of not talking to each other (weeks/months) because I felt anxious about the distance and we had of not really talking about anything so I usually acted up causing to push myself to cut contact. We only talked on snap, nothing deep just casual daily things and also just pictures. We did exchange messages of missing each other and other very plain but signs of affection sometimes. We also saw once during this time but nothing really big happened. Also there was a lot of miscommunication where he did not have the courage to break the no contact between us when we had those periods and also when he’d feel like I didn’t care for him anymore. And vice verca for me. Then couple months ago I learned he’d pursue a university in his city. It had been a talk he might come to my city to study but he seemed wanting to stay there if possible and I knew he’d get in easily. We also had a break again of not talking after this which I iniated because I felt I could not talk to him like this rn (meaning the distance) and cause I also knew he’d stay in his city. But then couple weeks ago I came back asking about how hes been and we got back to talking again. This time going very quickly back to only snapping pictures. I started feeling anxious he might not care for me anymore but at this point having learned from my past mistakes of acting up and doing stupid trials for him to see if he actually cared I didn’t do any of these. So I started to reply less to match his energy and not ask how he’s been if he didn’t do that either. Then just couple days ago I wake up and find myself blocked everywhere. Snap, ig, and even tiktok where we had not exchange tiktoks for two years. It felt like he wanted me gone, and I felt horrible like a rug being pulled underneath me. I was in complete shock. I gotta admit I once deactivated my snap to see if he’d care so I definitely know now how he felt. Anyways I started to panic because I had no way of contacting him and my mind started running every possible outcome. I sent him a text message and luckily it went through and he immediately responded. I said ”Hey, i saw you blocked me on everything, has something happened?” And he responded ”Hey, nothing has happened. I’m only taking a break, it’s not your fault or anything. I deleted the ig and snap apps from my phone too”. ”There is just so much going through my head rn with school starting soon and moving into your city and finding a place to live at” I was shaken. If taking a break why not tell me and why block me from everywhere, and also he’s moving into my city?? I said he could’ve warned me and I would’ve understood. This felt like he never wanted to talk. He told me ofcourse it’s not like he doesn’t want to not talk to me or see me ever. And that he didn’t tell me about the move because he was so afraid I didn’t want to see him anymore. And he told me he still thinks about me from time to time and because we haven’t seen in a long time he’s really anxious of seeing me. And that he keeps people blocked until he moves and gets his thoughts sorted. And that he is only answering to important messages. He said he’s feeling very anxious, excited and stressful about this new chapter in his life. But he’d be more than excited to see me when he moves. I told him the sincerest way I can how I still felt for him and missed him and was happy to hear if he’s moving back to my city. And I understood If he felt that way because I mightve started to act more distant. But I also said I was very confused that he’d still want to see me eventhough he blocked me everywhere. I forgave him. Said I understood now. Wished him the best with the move and feeling less anxious. And to contact me when he feels ready. He thanked me and said we will see when he is able to. But here is the thing with me and for u BPDs to help with. I’ve gone to range of possibilities from him splitting on me wanting to discard me and to start a new life etc. He is lying, I can find him on other accounts, okay but he has people blocked and has just deleted the apps? No. I saw he liked a picture that was just posted. Am I being lied to even more? Can’t he not just tell me he doesn’t wanna see me? Does he hate me now? If I’m just blocked why? Am I stupid to give him the space? What’s going on? What if he never comes back? What if he blocks my number and then I have zero capability of contact. Also what he did, bpd regardless, was selfish. No one should do that, it hurt me more I can ever describe. If I ever see him again I’ll tell him that, and that I want to know the real reason why he blocked me. But now more than ever I want to hear some reassurence or something to calm me down.
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