highOMfire Member Profile

...See more Today's been a rough one. At this moment I am safe. I know my idealization of self harm has past and I'm currently, for the most part, in the present. After fourteen hours in the ER, three days without eating, five days of heavy drinking and now a short description of of how I feel after approximately forty eight hours of straight hysteria. Here we go: As a young adult, I've experienced borderline traits prominently as young as thirteen which now marks my seventeenth year of little hope that I would ever establish a sense of self, calm, or safety. I'm new to the idea of requesting help, or trusting anyone else to help me with the pain that I possess. For a long time my pain was comfortable. My desire to hurt was more tangible than the idea that I could ever get better. � Ive isolated from most friends and family, in losing my job last week and the support of coworkers (one of which I had an intimate relationship and shared responsibility with our children together). It hurt. It still does waking up with nowhere to be, to feel cut by the words "get better." Losing the job I can accept, but losing my best friend was harder. Today marks the beginning of a life I never believed I could have, after coming out of the hospital and having confirmed having insurance. I haven't been to the doctor in four years, and damnit I called every single place I could find for the help I desperately need. And guess what? It's there. Be brave even if you don't think you can, the minute you allow yourself to be vulnerable and ask for help is the moment your life begins. Cheers everyone, thank you all for the opportunity to be heard. And keep reaching for those stars <3 [Edited by @QuietMagic 11/20/21 to add TW]

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