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hoping4goodtimes
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L Newbie 3
5 star rating
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Number of ratings1 Number of reviews1 Listens toOver 18 LanguagesEnglish Listener sinceDec 4, 2018 Last activeover 6 months ago GenderFemale PathStep 14 People helped1 Chats0 Group support chats0 Listener group chats0 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes5
Bio

Hi, My name is Ruth. I'm in high school and have recently gotten out of a year long stay in psychiatric hospitals. I have a lot to work on for myself, and part of that for me is helping others. I am really hoping to turn a new page in my life and work on managing my mental health. We are all in this together and unity is strength!

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Idk, the bad things i guess
Trauma Support / by hoping4goodtimes
Last post
 December 10th, 2018
...See more Trigger Warning, just to be safe. Okay, I guess I'm just gonna kinda say everything. I'm sorry if I am not super coherent. I was sexually abused by my father when I was little. I don't know for sure when it started. The first time he did anything remotely innappropriate I was 3, so I guess I've always thought of that as the start. I remember knowing something was kind of wrong but having this feeling that I shouldnt tell anyone. I remember when I was little my parents put those green icky face stickers on all the chemicals. One day I was exploring and I found something with one of those stickers. My mother was near by and told me that the stickers meant that they would make me really really sick, maybe even dead. I was curious and that night I snuck down to take a sip, it was really gross tasting so I turned to the pill bottles with the stckers. I swallowed them, wanting whatever 'death' was. When I was in second grade my fathers abuse turned to rape and sexual assault. I created a whole separate life for myself, the opposite from my rich, private school and happy laughing family. I went to the darkest corners, men did things to me, I was a spitfire who would try anything so people gave me drugs. I started completely having two mes. Happy me and Real me. I eventually had more attempted OD's, actually knowing what they were now. I started cutting. When I was 11 a friend of Real me taught me a way to get money, what I now know was prostitution. I was so ashamed because my body liked what my dad was doing to me. When I turned 13 I jumped off a small cliff on a school camping trip. I was fine, other than a sprained ankle and a bad concussion. I developed a severe eating disorder and later that year my heart almost stopped. I was admitted to the hosptal with a heart rate in the 30s and acute kidney injury. I was started on a refeeding program to do at home. The combination of my malnutrition and concussion caused me excruciating pain in my extremeties. They were purple and swollen. I was depressed, in a wheel chair, not going to school and being re fed. But, since my hospital stay the abuse had stopped. I was re admitted because I kept losing weight and they put me on a crap ton of meds. I had a psychotic episode where I woke up and didnt know where i was. I was admitted to psych and I eventually got my NG tube out and my pain stopped. I told the police and CPS about my abuse but they didnt believe me. I was moved around to three psych hospitals over the course of a year. I healed, I met supportive people, I dealt with my dysthymia, generalized anxiety disorder, PTSD, panic disorder, and anorexia. I was discharged and I now live with my lovely mother who, although she doesnt believe me, loves me. I am 15 and will have to move in with my dad and live with him until I'm 18.
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Categories
Depression
Managing Emotions
Eating Disorders
Panic Attacks
Anxiety
Self-Harm
Sleeping Well
Alcohol/Drug Abuse
Domestic Violence
Grief
Social Anxiety
Getting Unstuck
Loneliness
Student Life
PTSD
Women's Issues
Self-Esteem
General Mental Health
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