humorousBlackberry9438 Member Profile

...See more Recently got dumped by my gf. The relationship was rough bc I was secretly depressed and ashamed to tell her. We argued a ton recently. Once she dumped me I couldn’t hold it any longer. I will paste the convo. We haven’t talked since yesterday morning.. idk what to think. Is there hope? Me: I moved to Dallas instead of Austin so I could keep hiding my mental health struggles. I’ve been deeply depressed for about two years. At home, I barely shower, clean, or cook. I emotionally eat and sometimes relapse into old ED habits. I’ve lost interest in most things, including intimacy. The closer you got, the more I pushed you away. Not because of you, but because I was ashamed and scared you’d see the real me. Her: Thank you for being vulnerable. I wouldn’t have judged you. But it hurt being left in the dark. Why didn’t you seek help? Me: I hated even admitting it. Being honest would’ve meant being raw, and that was hard. So I avoided it—by fighting, leaving, or shutting down. I thought I could manage alone and didn’t want to be judged for needing help. Her: You thought I’d judge you for therapy? Me: I thought you’d judge me just for struggling. In a relationship, you can’t hide forever. And once I run out of excuses, I either open up or leave. Usually, I leave. That’s why Dallas made it easier. I don't expect anyone to carry my issues, so I kept it hidden. Only my Nana ever noticed without me saying anything. Her: I could feel it too. I always knew something was off, which made it harder to understand this year. I often felt helpless. Me: Lying was easier. You asked if I was happy—I said yes, even when I wasn’t. When you sensed something was wrong, I’d pick fights so you’d push me away. That was the only thing I ever lied about. Her: I love you. Your depression wasn’t the issue—I could’ve supported you through the mess, the routines, the intimacy. What hurt was how I was treated. You often made me feel like a bother. I lowered my standards just to stay close. I felt manipulated and confused. I stayed because I saw your worth, but finding out you were lying hurts. I’m questioning everything now. Me: I love you too. I never meant to hurt you. I thought I had to fight this alone. I lied because I was ashamed—not to manipulate or control, but to protect myself. You see through me, which made it harder to hide—so I kept my distance. Her: That explains why things felt worse in person. Me: Yeah. In person, I couldn’t mask it. I wasn’t avoiding touch or love—I was afraid of being truly seen. Her: This is a lot to take in. Me: I know. I didn’t mean to make it so heavy, but this was the missing piece. Her: Thanks for the clarity. Me: Sure. Her: You stopped sharing your location with (name).

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