humorousRaspberries4165 Member Profile

...See more Need help im spiriling a bit I don't know what to do I just want to end .y relationship and run away and hide but that is t a option so e back story I have a part er I have been with for 9 years and two young children 3 and 1 with this partner I betrayed my partners trust and now the relationship is on the rocks I didn't cheat but I did lie and not tell her I was visiting bdsm clubs mostly to learn more about kink in general I went to. A lot of the 101 classes that explained things and when my partner was pregnant with our first born I stopped going not out of guilt or anything but becouase I didn't have time and wanted to focus on my family none of the kink stuff was really that important to me I treated it the same way you would a groupon pottery class that was almost four years ago and I didn't go to event or meetups in that entire time then I got lonely becouase I am bad at making friends so I went to a nerd group meetup through the site mainly becouase I had meet great friend potential in the kink community even when doing stuff that wasn't kinky at all just better personality traits and much more accepting. Basically my partner went through my phone and caught me and accused me of cheating and liein I told her the truth but she wanted us to go on a break and she downloaded dating apps and talked about making a only fans to help make. Money and that she would decide in the mean time if our relationship was salvageable she thinks what I did was disgusting for note I never let anyone touch me and I never touched anyone directly and never with sexual intent no dirty talk no gentailia no nudity. I can accept her feeling betrayed and even wanting nothing to do with me but I don't know what to do my brain is telling me to cut it off tell her to leave tell her she would be happier without me and she will find someone who won't betray her or make her cry and make her happy someone who she can still respect and doesn't flinch away when I pass by to close I just want to touch her (not sexually) I just want her to hold my hand again I want to stop double guessing myself and worried that something I do will make her upset or give me a cold look I'm tired of crying tired of hurting tired of the little sparks of hope I get when we briefly fall back into old habits and literally seeing the moments when she suddenly remembers she also believes truly I'll be fine and move on without her and all I like her for is sex and all I can say to that is I haven't given up on grudges or regrets from almost 30 years ago and I dont like people in general hence the friend issue and while sex is great and all it's nothing without a emotional connection and my sexual desire is extremely tied to my emotional state if I am depressed or worried I don't even want it what she has never understood she makes me so happy and lovinh that I am constantly *** but that is becouase of how I feel towards her it isn't my norm. Alsoeven if we officially break up neither of us have anywhere else to go no family or friends to fall back on and despite us both work no real savings so we would still be living together reasonable for at least a year or two so anY advice

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