humorousSquare7897 Member Profile

...See more I’m so mentally depressed and tired. I can’t cope with life and college either because I feel so ugly that I can’t be around people and I feel so anxious. So my dad dumped me in a daycare centre where I don’t want to be it makes me feel worse. But whenever I say I want a job he says I won’t be able to get one because I’m not normal and no one will want to employ me. I never have a day off. Whenever I do have a day off he will shout yell call me names etc even once when I stayed off I was so sad that he called me names and was being so mean to me I’m autistic which is why I’m being dumped at the centre.when I said about I want to leave this year he said okay but then he said it’s not up to me it’s up to the centre which is not true it’s up to me but he never lets me make my own adult choices when I am 19 . I feel so trapped within able to make my own choices that you are supposed to be allowed to make when you’re my age. I wanted to see my mum in hospital yesterday and my dad said I can only do it if I go in to the centre everyday this week. Other wise I wouldn’t be allowed to. He’s using seeing my mum as some kind of punishment which he does with everything. He is always on my back and shouting about everything. So of course I had to agree to going in. I seen my mum yesterday after the centre and just to mention I was crying in the centre and didn’t want to be around people because I was sad about my mum and also cold everyone was making me annoyed and I’m on my period. So after I seen my mum I said can I have a day off tomorrow which is today and my dad yelled at me got so mad called me names. He keeps using seeing my mum as a punishment so he said he’s not letting me see my mum at all when she’s in hospital said I’m letting her down took things away from me and is stopping me from going places and keeps pubishing me in different ways. He always is on my back about everything every second of the day and it gets so tiring and annoying . And now I’m not allowed to see my mum as she is now another punishment of his. And she will be in there for a while. And what is also not fair is that when my sister goes shopping she’s adamant that I won’t come with her and my parents and shouts and is horrible about me even when I say I don’t want to come in the first place or I don’t say anything at all. So she always gets her own way with everything and my dad takes her everywhere and does everything for her. Yet yesterday was supposed to be a day with just m mum and me and dad yet my sister found out and was allowed to come with us? It’s like one rule for her and one rule for me. I’m struggling so mentally to I don’t even have friends and my brother has that I have nothing and I feel like I don’t even have a purpose. And I just wanted a day off to have a break because life is to much and it’s hard to go to somewhere where you’re being forced to go. Am I in the wrong though? Because I’m getting treated horribly for having a single day off . My dad is always on my back about everything even when he shouldn’t be and is always angry at me. I am unable to make the choices I should be making at my age as it’s either someone else telling me how to live or I get treated horribly. It’s making me miserable. My dad makes my disability sound worse to almost everyone. Even people , strangers even, to make himself look good. People working at the shop etc. he tells everyone. He always tries to make himself look good. He still punish and ground me in multiple different ways for the tiniest thing and if I get upset he will get even worse and punish me worser. It’s like I can’t do anything because he just wants to be there to ruin my life and make me depressed. I have bad anxiety and I’m always anxious. I find it hard to talk and it takes a lot of courage for me to say a simple sentence and I don’t end up saying anything anyway. I have body dysmorphia and all I can think about everyday is how ugly and fat I am. How big my head is which is what I used to get terribly bullied about . Everyone stares at me and I feel deformed. I’m always so anxious and I don’t know how to have conversations which I feel isolated for and I don’t have any friends. I have nothing going for me and I feel like I’m just existing with no purpose and nothing to look forward to. Whenever I do have something to look forward to it’s always taken away from me anyway. I find it hard to tell someone about how I feel to because I find it so hard to speak to people I can’t explain everything and no one will believe me anyway as my dad puts on a front and a fake personality. He always just rubs in to my face that he’s the boss and calls me things. He is always actively going out his way to make me sad and angry and he will never ever apologise.

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