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iamyam
698 M Little Steps
PathStep 14 Compassion hearts61 Forum posts8 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 17, 2022
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Brain Vomit
Journals & Diaries / by iamyam
Last post
 September 17th, 2022
...See more Everything is a scam and I hate it. I need glasses. Why do I have to PAY to see? I need therapy. But the only therapists I can afford gaslight me. The amount of medical ab*se and malpractice in the therapeutic setting is uncanny. No one thinks I'm traumatized enough to justify why I think I have CPTSD, when the closest thing I can get to a diagnosis is my TikTok algorithm. Why do I have to PAY to not want to unalive? I need food. I have an ED which prevents me from being able to feed myself and when I ask for help, I'm expected to use all of my energy to cook, leaving no energy to eat. Why does it cost more energy to eat than to starve? I need education. College is supposed to be a place of opportunities, but they charge you to go to class, to cancel class, to live in the dorms. They even charge you if you drop out. Everything is a price tag. You can't default with student loans, so you're stuck with the debt, whether or not college had any positive or negative impact. College was supposed to bring out the best in me. Explore my growth. The only thing it gave me was extreme anxiety; I would have to leave class everyday to go to the bathroom because I was so anxious I would throw up. Every day. I would yak like a Yorkie, not fun. Why do I have to pay to have anxiety, and when I go "no thanks I don't want anxiety" I have to pay MORE. I need help. But I can only get it if I fit in the box that says so, when the box is under researched and too small to fit women, lgbtq youth, poc, and people with disabilities. I went to my local psych ward a few months ago and it was incredibly debilitating. They take away all stimuli, positive and negative, and wonder why highly sensitive people freak out. I brought a comic with me (my comfort media) and I wasn't allowed to read it because it had the word "murder" in the title. It was a murder mystery. When they took it away from me, of course I flipped out, because the only thing I've been able to do for the 24 hours beforehand was stare at a wall. The group therapist at this ward said I wasn't allowed to leave until I said I love myself, which honestly isn't much of an issue. I don't hate myself, I hate the world around me, it's not built for people like us (we live in a sadly neurotypical world). He ignored the reason I was there and put it on myself. The only reason you should want to unalive is because you hate yourself, right? Wrong! This world is so screwed at the moment, it's no surprise suicide rates have gone up. Why do I have to PAY to be ridiculed and gaslit? I'm tired of this. What else is a scam?
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