independentPlum9463 Member Profile

...See more (It got so big sorry also I don't know if this belongs here but I think it does) Hi guys I am new here ..I am glad that I found some place that actually looks really helpful but o still don't really know how to use this ..it's been like 2 yrs ..or more like 3 after Covid when my school opened i wasn't really ready I hated that class I had no friends and I think I use to just live in my head for that whole time ..at that time my stomach use to hurt so bad in school and I didn't even had any idea that this is cause of my anxiety..I had school phobia seriously I use to cry every day every night thinking about going to school but some how passed that class with really good marks ..then in class 10th I decided I'll change..I can't live like this so I forced myself to join coaching..I made new friends ...I think it's god's grace that ..that year I had really good class teacher and classmates around me say I was his fav student I don't really know but it will just give u idea that how active I became I literally forced myself to do things but it became kind of easier thanks to God for giving me good teachers this year .. but I remember giving exams of class 10 ..I use to cry day and night cause of anxiety it use to be so bad like my body is shivering and everything and then came 11th u know what I would have called it my worst year but then there is 12th ..this one is like thc worst I have ever been there were things that happened last year but I never failed but this year I failed in my exam.. someone who use to get full in science..one day I even forgot it is science exam and studied some other subject still scord 74/80 and today I am failing in such a way I don't know where to begin evrything got messed up I don't know how to fix this now my anxiety is getting worse and worse ..before atleast I use to attempt now I don't even do that ..I literally skipped my physics practical and theory exam ( in half yearly I wasn't well at all but in December I was ..but I was crying so much and begged my mother that please I don't wanna give exams) ..I didn't went to school this whole year my attendance is some 50% that's it they say they won't allow me to give final exams I don't know what they will do to me there was a time when I use to wake up every day with racing heartbeat it really use to be so hard to calm myself down even if I use to skip school then I use to feel guilty so my whole day use to get wasted.. because of my health issues like in periods there use to be a lot of problems I couldn't even got up from my bed like can't even sit and they use to be irregular ( now I have taken treatment now they're not so painful anymore) but cause of which I wasn't going to school on top of that now I couldn't attend my coaching regularly in between I got so I'll in August - september time that I couldn't go to coaching for a month as I had very very painful periods that month so much so couldn't even sit and had to skip my physics exam and my exams were going on I couldn't go to coaching not just that but when it ended my periods came back so it wad such a long break and I didn't wanted to get scolded by my teacher again and again I felt like it was affecting my mental health so much so I left coaching..then my mother said that if I have lfet coaching then I'll go to school regularly..yes that's how I wasted my month doing school work this that instead of preparing Myself and then I had pre boards in December I wasted this month in exams as well I thought I'll study in these 10 days somthing gap and finish my syllabus before next pre-board but then I get shocked when I got to know that I have my practicals from 1-7 some by school for practice some official once ..so yea this all kind of broke me after these practicals I have pre boards and after them I have again some official practicals and after that in some 15 days I'll have official board exams ..I seriously have no time left now it feels so suffocating like I don't even time to breathe I genuinely wanted to improve this time but I doesn't seem like I can do much I have been crying since 2 days and have even become suicidal I am trying..I know I am mature I won't do anything like that but yes ..I hate myself a lot it is getting really hard for me currently I think.. right now I was at my lowest and needed serious help but I don't have anything ..I even thought asking to my mother because I thought she might be able to help me but she said I wasted what year what can be done now

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