indigoDrum7123 Member Profile

...See more I moved states a few months ago to be with my girlfriend while she was in med school. We met in person about a year and a half ago and started dating soon after. We were together in person for about 5 months before she moved for school. At about a year into our relationship I moved to be nearer to her. After she started school things got a little rough, I felt a little neglected, but knew it was mostly because she was devoting most of her time and energy to school. I thought this would get better if we weren't long distance. It was very rough when I first moved here, but I felt it was slowly getting better. We had talked in the past about setting up a date night which is pretty common for med students trying to balance relationships and school, but she left this planning to me and on the few occasions I suggested something she shot them down. She mentioned about a month ago that she wanted me to communicate my wants and needs with her more, which I said I would try to do. A few days ago I brought up the idea that I wanted the time we spent together to be more intentional, to spend this time actually WITH one another not just being in the same room. I brought up the date night thing again and suggested we brainstorm about something together. To this she said that she didn't have the bandwidth to do that and said she wanted to take a break. After talking to her some more this break seems more like a breaking up. And it also feels like to me that she made up her mind to do this a while ago and was just waiting for a good momentary reason. She had mentioned her therapist (provided by her school for free) had offered couples therapy, and I expressed interest at this idea at the time, I asked her after the fact why she hadn't wanted to pursue this and she said that couples therapy is for people who want to stay together and she figured out she wanted to split. I had also noticed that she hasn't told me she loved me except for once in response to me for several months. It feels like she was trying to push me away by withholding affection. I simultaneously feel like I'm being punished for speaking about my emotions, and that she thought I wasn't worth the effort to try to stay with me (which I know isn't really how mental energy works, but it's hard not to tell myself that.) I just feel like I put so much work into making this work, and was willing to put in so much more, where as she just wanted things to click forever, even through major life changes like med school. To make matters worse this was all over text and phone call (not even video chat) and I feel like this is because she didn't want to have to deal with seeing my emotions. She still wants to be friends, and I do too. But it just feels like it will be so difficult to readjust to that because I still love her so much. We are in the same larger friend groups and have a lot of activities together such as D&D, none of our friends know yet as far as I know, and I'm worried that if it's brought up during one of these sessions I'll just start involuntarily crying. I also want to tell her that even if we aren't together that she's still my best friend (which is true) which I fear will make her feel like I'm smothering her, because she has expressed multiple times, including in the break up conversation that she thinks I need closer friends for emotional support other than her, which I was mad about at the time but in hindsight is true, because I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this, even though I have friends that I know would listen to me and provide support I just feel ashamed to talk about it. She was and is such a big part of my life and I'm not sure if I know how to feel normal after this. And I know it will take a little time, but I don't even know where to start. Even though I saw it coming from miles away I still feel blindsided somehow.

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