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indigoHouse922
7 840 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts72 Forum posts54 Forum upvotes48 Current upvotes48 Age GroupTeen Last activeSeptember, 2024 Member sinceJuly 30, 2024
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Confused
Depression Support / by indigoHouse922
Last post
 September 27th, 2024
...See more Hi, I'm 14 years old, and I'm confused about my life, I think it has been difficult. My whole life, other people made fun of me, because I was slightly overweight, my bully in 5th grade- 8th grade, said a lot of rude things to me. He threw some punches, a few slaps, the worst he did was hit my head on a table, it bled and left a tiny scar, a red eye, hit me with an Iphone charger, my hand was bruised and had a nasty mark on it, honestly, he called me so many rude things, said I wasn't even good enough to eat a dogs poop. My life at home was ok, I knew my parents loved me, but we just grew distant, all they cared about was my grades, education and health. I know that's enough, but we just didn't have a relationship aside from that. A artist called kid cudi came into my life, I listened to him after I got bullied. I understood it. I was addicted to porn and the internet, because I was always forced to study at home and my bully made me scared and I didn't want to be hit. I felt all kinds of feelings after listening to cudi, I thought the bad things about me, made me the person I am. I thought it was the only thing that made me special. I took a depression test, I was depressed, but mostly from symptoms of porn addiction, and feeling sad after getting bullied. I forced myself to think of ending things, I realized that I should have never existed and I can't escape. Also, I was trapped in a cycle, get bad grades, watch porn, get bullied. My intelligence was the only thing special about me, without that I'm nothing. Whenever I get bad grades, I feel terrible about how I'm so stupid, why I cant get basic things right. SO the question I have, is am I depressed, or is just porn addiction symptoms and feeling sad. I barely have to energy to change for the better.
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I dont know
Depression Support / by indigoHouse922
Last post
 September 17th, 2024
...See more I'm so lost right now, in my life, honestly, I was bullied, made fun of my weight, called stupid and was compared to my best friend and some really gross and disgusting  things were said to me. The beat me up, not too badly, worst they did, was hit my head on a table, caused some bleeding. a very minor scar and beat me, with whatever they could, I wasn't bleeding, but my whole body was just red. Honestly, with my parents, they cared, but my whole life was all just study. I cant lie I did get to hang out with my friends for 2 hours in the summer, and watch tv for an 1 hr a day. When I got my first laptop, I got yelled at so badly, because all I did was play video games, I became addicted, then I went to youtube shorts, then porn. Now I'm addicted to porn. I had friends, my life wasn't all bad, it was just get yelled at and get hit. I discovered an artist, named Kid cudi, I tried relating, and I realized how many issues I have and how it ruins my life and all those times, how I felt when I was getting beat and yelled at. I broke down. I felt dumb and stupid and felt like a fraud, way before that. I did deal with loneliness, being trapped in a cycle, and thinking of death. When I listened to kid cudi, I felt chosen, special finally. I also felt a lot of new thoughts, that I didn't know were, there I got a depression test. I did experience, these symptoms, mostly from addiction and the times, I felt weak, dumb and stupid, I broke down probably a million times. Sadly, I feel these things make me special, and I force myself to say these things to myself. I know they are true though. I honestly don't know if I'm depressed now, I think of my future, and I want it to be the worst, even though I don't want that. All I see is me going down a bad path. Sometimes, I think dying is the answer, somedays are unbearable, somedays, I just tell them to myself. Somedays, I feel like I cant get out of this cycle. 
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Honest
Depression Support / by indigoHouse922
Last post
 September 6th, 2024
...See more Man, my whole life everyone else had control over my life but me. I don't want to get into details, but that's what made me try to find real happiness in video games and tv, but when that didn't work, it came down to porn. I didn't realize it at the time and hated admitting this, but a guy came into my life called Kid Cudi. He made me realize how this affected my family and myself. Sadly, my whole life I felt alone, I couldn't talk to my parents because they were very harsh, I cant even talk to my dad, because he doesn't really like the guy who I am, he just is forced to like me because I'm his son. I tried to be better, I couldn't I tried again, I couldn't. I realized that, 2 things hold me back, I cant change, 2 this music is the only thing that make me feel like I'm a part of something. I'm not lonely, I finally feel loved in this music. Either way I feel my life will be in flames.
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I cant do this
Depression Support / by indigoHouse922
Last post
 September 3rd, 2024
...See more I really cant do this, every time I try I just end up failing. The journey is hard and long, trying to use pornography and all these things to try and make me feel complete has ruined me. I cant do this, I just see a bad future for myself. One in which I will hate myself and never accomplish my goals.
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Normalcy
Depression Support / by indigoHouse922
Last post
 September 3rd, 2024
...See more Is it normal, that these thoughts dont haunt me all the time, and only come out sometimes, they are still there though.
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What happened
Depression Support / by indigoHouse922
Last post
 August 28th, 2024
...See more I just feel like I have no control over my life, I'm addicted to porn the internet. It ruined my relationships I'm lonely, and I see myself going down a path in which I want to well you know. I don't want what I need and what I need hates me. I don't know if I have depression or not, everyday I am fine, I'm happy but then I get yelled at and just ruin my own self. I cant get out.
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Am I depressed or not
Depression Support / by indigoHouse922
Last post
 August 27th, 2024
...See more I don't know if I'm depressed or not, I think the world is better without me, I show many symptoms, but it doesn't eat me up, it eats me when I get yelled at or fail repeatedly. I am a failure, I suck, even though I don't think about it. I realize I'm addicted to porn and the internet and how it affects my life, these emotions come out when I listen to kid cudi. I tried to relate to music, found so many emotions in me, took a depression test, played the depressed person, told myself many bad things, but they were true and they didn't affect me, when other people say them it does. Am I really depressed.
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Addiction consuming my life
Depression Support / by indigoHouse922
Last post
 August 27th, 2024
...See more Hi I'm 14 I'm addicted to porn and the internet. I used to be a good student but now I am not. I got addicted to porn and the internet. Used it to escape the pressure my parents put on me. It ended up leading me down a bad path, I feel dumb ands stupid. I only imagine a future with me be unhappy and wanting to go. I feel my goals are a million miles away
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