ivoryLemon6977 Member Profile

...See more Hi Everyone - I could use some perspective on something that happened with a friend of mine. The situation has made me reevaluate how I might be perceived by friends and people in general. I had a group of women over for dinner about a month ago. I rarely do this (i.e., never), but this is a group connected to my daughter's theater activity. Each of us in the group has a child with special needs (the kids are part of a theater group made up of "typical" actors and actors with disabilities). I have known some of these women for 10+ years. However, we don't do a lot socially - we are social by virtue of our kids being part of this theater group. I am a light presence in this group of friends - meaning, I don't always meet up with the group. Although I've known these moms for a long time, I really only catch up with them when the kids are preparing for their next show. The night of our dinner get together, one of my friends fell coming down our stairs - I'll call her Sally. She landed pretty hard (hardwood stairs and floor). There were no obstructions on the stairs, she wasn't drunk...she slipped. I got her ice for her hand, and we all thought she just hit her hand really hard. I texted her the next day to see how she was doing. And I texted her the following day, and also a third day, which is when she was leaving for a trip to Florida. She texted back saying "We are at the airport, talk next week." So...I took that to mean she didn't want to talk until she got back. I wanted to do something for her so decided to send flowers, but wanted to wait until she got back from Florida - otherwise, she wouldn't be able to enjoy the flowers, duh. She returned on a Monday. I sent flowers on Tuesday. Didn't hear anything until Thursday, when a friend - I'll call her Pat - texted me and asked if I was aware that Sally was having surgery! I asked Pat how she found out about the surgery and she texted, "because I ask." Pat was implying that because I wasn't texting Sally daily, I was somehow falling short of my friend duties. I called Pat and was really irritated. I asked Pat what she would like me to do? I explained (why I felt I owed Pat an explanation...I don't know), but I explained that I am not a hand wringer. I asked Pat if she was aware I sent flowers to Sally? NOOOOOOOO....she didn't know that. I also said that we have all experienced unfortunate mishaps, and then what do we do? We manage the best we can. I don't recall anyone in this group texting, calling or doing anything while I was taking care of my daughter with special needs, my son having 8+ brain surgeries, my husband having a hip replacement, knee surgery and hernia surgery...But, I digress. I was offended and hurt that Pat was implying I was insensitive or...I don't know. What was I supposed to do? Of course, after I heard about the surgery, I followed up with Sally, asking if she needed anything. I took a dinner over to her (something I am reluctant to do because I wouldn't call myself a 5 star cook, but I was trying to do "the right thing.") I followed up a couple of times after that, before Sally left for another trip to Florida. I texted and said that lifting cocktails on the beach is good therapy for healing. I think humor helps. I think because this happened at my house, I was being held to some standard of super hero friend. I didn't cause the fall...I regret that it happened, and wish I could change it for Pat, but I did not cause it. If it had happened to SAlly anywhere else, I would have gotten wind of it, texted her about it, and that would be the end...because that's the level of friendship we have. Since then, I have distanced myself from this group. I am open to hearing other people's perspectives because I am truly baffled as to why Pat scapegoated me.

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