ivorySquare9909 Member Profile

...See more I feel like I'm a monster for some thoughts I'm having or rather a lack of empathy for a family member. My aunt and I were close about 20-15 years ago (roughly a 5 year span). I noticed she would frequently go through friends due to her talking behind their back and starting drama. After a really uncomfortable situation I started distancing myself. She made me feel unimportant and like she put others ahead of me. Other things happened in between that were upsetting because my expectations didn't align with what happened. I wanted an apology and she didn't care. Now fast forward we got into a fight a few weeks ago because I made a joke at her daughter's wedding and she attacked me for it. Her old friend knew it was a joke but her inlaws said i was trying to get drugs from them. (Jokes about drugs are not a foreign concept for my family). She proceeded to attack me for looking to "score" drugs and it's the 3rd time she's heard me associated with them. Funny enough the other times were when i kicked out my abusive ex i found multiple pieces of drug paraphernalia and a bag of something in my garage but didn't know what it was (I'm kinda naive about that stuff). I had a little safe i put it in because i didn't know how to dispose of it but opened it to take pictures to send to a friend who told me what he thought it was. My cousin who is very slow saw it and told my aunt i was on coke. It wasn't even coke. The other time was at a family party when her daughter said if anyone needed coke to come to her because she is not as innocent as she looks. Someone else asked who said that and i said me to cover because sure has a very sweet and innocent reputation in the family and she was overserved. The funny part i don't do drugs. I couldn't get it if i tried. I don't associate in that world. I'm a nurse and never got into it and part of why i was so against drugs growing up was because my aunt did them a lot and slept around and i never wanted to be like that. Now I feel like I'm a monster. My aunt and i fought over text and i brought up other stuff i was upset with and basically was dismissed. A few days later she went to the hospital and is now on a ventilator fighting for her life. The bacterium are normally found in the mouth and all I can think about is she needs to learn that while the mouth seems benign it can be dangerous. I don't feel bad she is in there. I don't really feel anything about it. And I'm usually so empathetic. I give people too much and always end up hurt. So it doesn't align with my normal thinking and feeling. Hence why I'm feeling like a monster. Too much trauma in my life has made me skeptical of people and close my circle. But I've never felt this cold about someone.

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

Firstly congratulate yourself on reaching out for support! This is such an...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio