jkahlua Member Profile

...See more i feel absolutely terrible and i don't know what to do with myself or my situation because i'm tired of feeling this way for this girl and tired of relieving heart ache day after day. i hate my feelings but i don't think i could ever let go because she means everything to me and she has been the sweetest person to me and i don't think i've meant anyone as special as her but my feelings for her are hurting me, they put me in pain all the *** time and it's so unhealthy but it's about time that i do something because i cannot live on like this. nobody in my life would even understand why i feel like this or be compassionate enough to try to see me and i wouldn't blame them anyway because this condition has made me *** and none of my emotions are rational thus i don't think anyone would care. i don't want to continue like this at all. normally, i'm terrified of being rejected but there's been something in the air where suddenly i want to confess and get it over with just so i have clarification on whether she likes me back so i know whether to just move on but i'm still anxious anyways but i am so over these feelings. i'm scared, actually scared to death and i cannot believe after 10 months I'm doing this but i need to and i know it won't be pretty afterwards if her feelings aren't reciprocated but i just have to deal with it anyways. i can't do anything about it. the fact she hasn't even said she likes me makes me hate myself, that i can't appeal to her in any way. but i'm so over the mental breakdowns every other day and the self destructive behavior because of my feelings and the isolation and the constant self doubt and aching in my heart and the ups and downs and the fact i can never learn from it. i'm over it. so i figured i should just gather all my courage and tell her but i'm still so mortified but it's better to living this on until the day i die because even if we were to part, that would be the end of me. please, can someone give me advice on how to cope with bpd and intense feelings for people? can someone just give me some solid advice on my situation or how to manage relationships better?

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