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johannaappleforest
294 M Embraced 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts17 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2019 Member sinceAugust 12, 2019
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My anxiety and intrusive thoughts
Anxiety Support / by johannaappleforest
Last post
 August 18th, 2019
...See more My anxiety has really been a huge part of me my whole entire life, but just now have been able to understand how severe it really is. I can't even use a public restroom because I have to fight with the "other side of me". The one who is always fearing things even if the answer is right in front of them. I forced myself to go to the bathroom on Friday but the process was so embarrassing. I had to stare at the sign for over 5 seconds to make sure it says women and it has the female with the skirt on it. But I couldn't believe the sign, I had to look and see where the men's was. So I felt calmer that it's the women's restroom so I walked inside but I had to check that there were no urinals JUST in case. No urinals, so I go use the bathroom and I hear someone walk in, and I worry that it's a boy and I'm in the wrong bathroom. So I panic and wait for them to leave. They left so I quickly went to wash my hands and I heard someone else walk in. Terrified I look over and see it's another female. Right, right, female's bathroom correct? No. I was too worried maybe THEY also went into the wrong bathroom and just didn't realize it yet. So I finish quickly and leave the bathroom. I also do the same to my bus. I can't trust myself that my bus number is my actual bus number (example: 123). I see 123 show up, but I just don't trust it. What if a kid messed with the number?! What if it's somehow not the right bus?! I have tons and tons of anxiety regardless of the intrusive thoughts thing. Sometimes I start panicking out of no where, and sometimes I panic because I'm worried my dad or brother will yell at me for no reason. My anxiety is really, really annoying. And I am seeking a therapist currently and I'm sooo glad I told my mom about how bad my anxiety is. It just never seems to end. Any normal thing I can do I just somehow have intrusive thoughts about it.
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