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k912
1 85 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceApril 11, 2021
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PTSD or gut feeling
Relationship Stress / by k912
Last post
 April 24th, 2021
...See more Hi, I am new to this group and wanted to express my feelings and felt like if I didn't I would explode. I am from a culture where arranged marriages are very common, few years ago I was getting rejected by the guys and that was taking a troll on me. Finally one guys said yes and I was excited we had few months before the marriage to know each other , that's when I saw few red flags and were very alarming, but instead of standing up for myself I sweeped it under the rug and went ahead with the marriage, 3 years of emotional abuse damaged my self estimate, my personality and scared my heart to to stage where I thought death was the only way out. Long story short, my family pulled me out of the loop and with a continued therapy for a year I was able to move on with life. That's when I met 2 different guys one through school and other through friends circle both liked me and wanted to date me. I was abit scared on choosing one and with alot of thinking I started dating the guy from friends circle its been 2 years now . He is throwing in hints about proposing this year. That was the trigger point. I feel like running away, I keep having this random panic attacks, everything seemed well untill he talked about marriage. I thought I was over it but when he started to talk about marriage ,I am losing it. This anxiety is making me think what if I choose the other guy from school may be I would not have this problem. It's like I am playing an 'if scenario' game in my head and now I am doubting everything our love, our relationship, I am even analyzing every word , every move. Help me I don't know what this is how to deal with it and have no clue what right and what's wrong ? I can see the true red flags cause I am zooming in so much that everything is trying to a red flag
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