kermitcrying Member Profile

...See more hello friends! i apologize for coming here without a formal diagnosis, please understand that's not possible for me at the moment, and I'd really appreciate some kind insight into my experience. i know i have a troubled relationship with food, but not in any of the traditional ED ways. i don't count calories, i don't consciously restrict food intake for sake of my body image (i'm trans, there's bigger body image fishes to fry than my tummy,) i primarily have issues with eating as a whole. i know rationally that eating is inescapable, but every morning i wake up dreading breakfast just because I have to decide what might feel okay in my stomach while i try and think through the beginnings of my day. most times, i just resent the feeling in my stomach and get progressively upset by it. if the feeling of food in my tummy happens to not be an issue, i'm prone to texture aversions as well. the smell of food when im in a bad state is also terrible. i also experience misophonia regarding eating sounds, so chewing noises, people talking with food in mouth, etc. really upsets me as well so even if i didn't have pre-existing distaste for the process of eating, that certainly doesn't help. the intensity varies day to day, some days i can eat normally without issue, and other days i get nauseous at the very thought of food. i haven't been able to find anything on this the sort through searching, and honestly it's triggering to read through eating disorder criteria for a number of reasons. would anyone have any insight? thanks

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