kindasortacrazy Member Profile

...See more I went into this profession thinking that I would make a difference. I struggled all throughout school. I have always been one who requires different learning strategies. I have to hear it, see it, do it, Al of the above to actually be able to learn something. I knew I would be a great teacher because of it, and I was. I loved teaching SO much. My first 3 years of teaching was amazing. And then Covid happened….and I’m not sure that is to blame for all of the pressure that is now put on educators, but it was around that time frame when things started going downhill for me. I have severe anxiety…teaching is NOT a great career choice for someone with anxiety, depression, or any other mental illness… Teachers are put under so much stress and constantly being asked to do the impossible. Teachers are constantly micromanaged, disrespected, told we are not doing enough, judged, criticized, and are constantly being given more and more things added to our already full plates. What I hate most about teaching is OBSERVATIONS. Again, for someone with severe anxiety, this is a nightmare. I don’t want people coming in with a checklist to make sure I am meeting “all components on the rubric”. First off, I don’t teach well when someone is watching/listening. I’m an over-thinker, so when someone is in my room, all I can think about is “what are they thinking about…do they think I am a terrible teacher…did they just catch my mistake….why do they look disgusted….what are they typing up on their Chromebook…..did that student really just say that…..did they hear that student say that…..” 😅 I also don’t think it is fair that my score and students end of the year scores are held against me….not all students learn the same. We are supposed to differentiate instruction and constantly preach that not all students learn the same and we need to do better, but yet these same people who preach “differentiate instruction because students do not all learn the same or at the same pace as their peers” are also the same people who blame the teacher for students not being on target. Second thing I hate is the fact that these kids just do not listen. They don’t care…about anything. It’s not a management issue…I’ve always had good classroom management. These kids get worse each year. I’ve even moved grade levels to see if it is better; it’s not. It just sucks knowing that I chose a career that I’ve always dreamed about, one that I have worked so hard for and put so much of my time and money into just to HATE 3 years in. This is my 6th year teaching…it’s so hard to love teaching now. It is just not even a little bit enjoyable or rewarding anymore. It’s to the point where I can’t even enjoy my free time, weekends, and vacations at all because I’m always thinking about having to go back on Monday. I’m always searching for jobs, but it’s hard to find a job that has good benefits and weekends and holidays off. I have two daughters (9 and 6 years old) they go to the school I teach at, so it’s hard to leave them. It’s hard to leave education because I’m not sure how that will effect my girls. At the same time, it’s not fair to them to have a mother who is snappy and miserable all the time. It’s also not fair to my husband… SIDE NOTE: I actually took medical leave last year to have a hysterectomy (that could have waited until the summer) just to have a reason to leave for the rest of the year. That’s how bad it is. My mental health has been effected so much by teaching…I can’t even explain everything that is terrible about being an educator. I don’t know how to put it into words…just know that it sucks 🙃 and it’s been impossible to find a job that works around my kids’ school schedule. I want to keep my weekends, holidays, summers off, benefits….and that is why I haven’t left. I literally feel STUCK. If I stay, I will stay miserable and that’s not fair to my family. But if I leave, I will be happier, but we won’t have healthcare and we can’t make it on my husbands income alone. That’s not even an option….that’s why I say “stuck” because I do not have a choice… I am a social media manager on the side. I only have one client, but it is my dream job and I love it so much. It’s just hard to get clients because I live in a small town…but it is my goal to make this my full time job. This would also allow me to have the time off with my kids and enjoy life again. Downside…still no healthcare or benefits. Anyway…I don’t know what to do but if anyone has any words of wisdom or advice or anything…I’d love your feedback. If you’ve made it through reading this book, thanks for your time 😅

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