kindpeanut7 Member Profile

...See more This past year has been so hard — maybe more than a year, honestly. I can’t seem to get out of this state. I go to work and do my best, even when I’m on autopilot. But as soon as I get home, I crawl back into bed and scroll on my phone. It’s not like I even enjoy it. I keep asking myself, “What’s wrong with me?” I know I was diagnosed with PTSD because of the 30 years of abuse I endured from my family. Maybe moving across the world finally made all the feelings surface. Now that I’m away from them, I have to face the hurt — and it’s just so much. It makes me isolate, wear masks, and just survive the days. I’m frustrated that I’m still surviving when I want to thrive. I don’t know how to get there. I’m exhausted — tired of handling everything on my own. My soul feels tired. I’m tired of being strong and resilient. I wish time could pause — responsibilities, everything — just so I could breathe and heal for a while. I’ve had a 10-day vacation and spent it alone in my small apartment. I haven’t seen or talked to anyone in 8 days. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever get better. Part of me feels like it’s too late, and that my purpose now is just to make sure others never feel the amount of hurt I’ve felt. Because maybe they’re more worthy… more deserving. I'm just a lost soul in so much pain. A pain I wish I didn't have to carry every day. I just wanted to get it out and put a voice to it. Thank you for listening.

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