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laalaax
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2018 Member sinceNovember 24, 2016
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my 40 yr old partner left me pregnant. is he depressed?
Depression Support / by laalaax
Last post
 August 7th, 2018
...See more hi all, i hope i am posting this in the right place, i am new to this and just hoping to get some answers from people they may understand, i am 27, my boyfriend is 40, and we have been together 2.5 years. we usually get on great, great love life, live together, have pets, holidays, a business together etc. but he is a workoholic. he stresses alot, left me last year (April 2017) saying he keeps hurting me, which i moved out, then he was diagnosed with depression, however only took medication for about a month and didnt bother seeing the therapist. We got back together after 3 months apart as he said he loves me and missed me etc. all was was well. however, over the period of our relationship i had found several times he was talking to women, exs, dating sites etc. everytime i found out and went mad, he would cry and say sorry, he loves me and wants me and that he does these things to make himself feel better about himself, because he doesnt like who he is, or what he looks like etc. he says he does it for attention and never intends to meet anyone. Every time i forgave him as a believed his words but this carrried on every month. Since Nov 2017 we have not had any romantic love at all. apart from once in march 2018 which i fell pregnant. we were shocked, worried, but we started to come to terms wwith us being parents. we went to scans together, we went baby shopping together and started planning the nursery and baby names., we went on our last holiday as a couple and we were happy, but again no romance there. we got back from holiday and i found him messaging women again. now i was pregnant (4 months at this point) i told him its over as he has well and truely crossed the line now. he cried and said sorry, said he loves me and he wants us to get back to being happy. over the next few days, he become more and more distant. he then told me 'i love you but im not in love with you'. he said he has erectile dysfuntion which is why we are not romantic, and he said he cannot give me what i want, as he hates himself, hates his life and he fears who he is and that he keeps hurting me. He said he feels emotionally numb and cannot see a future. he said he knows he is not right as he keeps crying. i then found condoms in his car, which were not for me, so i left him. i have had to move into my mums house at 6 months pregnant while i try and find myself a house. he was telling me to stay at his untill i find somewhere etc but i cannot do that. i have been at my mums for 5 weeks all together before moving into my own house shortly. His messages have gone from nice and missing me, ringing me to say hes thinking about me, hes sorry it has come to this and he didnt want this at all, to cold and distant one word txts. but then il get a text after a few days saying 'hope you and baby are ok x'. i am trying to not contact him and just have space from each other and to try and get over him, he says he wants to be apart of the babies life and will come to scans and antenatel classes etc, but i do not know how we can be 'friends'. i am so hurt and angry at him, how can he do this to me when he used to be the most caring loving man, always saying how much he loves me etc. to being this empty stranger. i still have some of my things at his house, including my cat, which i will be going back to collect as soon as i can. but the house is pretty bare without my belongings there. i feel like maybe it hasnt sunk in to him that ive gone. He has said things recently like 'shall i build the baby furniture', but why would he say that when me or the baby will not be living there? i know he has not been to the doctors about his erectile problems or any mental health problems, but i just feel like this is not him, and feel in a few months he will realise he has made a mistake. could any one tell me if you think he is just not in love with me anymore/seeing another woman, or does it sound like he is going through depression or something? Thank you for any help and advice,it means alot. xxx
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