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leanderthal
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2025 Member sinceMarch 11, 2025
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Need opinions about this poetry comp I want to enter
Poetry / by leanderthal
Last post
 March 13th, 2025
...See more I have the opportunity to submit a poem for a competition this year and the prize is huge ($500 for the winner and $500 for the school's library, as well as several years long subscriptions and a free trip to attend a writing workshop on the other side of the country). I love reading poetry but I don't know if I'm any good. I have two options as of now to submit but I wanted to ask around and see if they were worth submitting. And also which one to submit (one submission per student). They're simple, and the language might be a little pretentious, but I thought there was no harm in asking for some basic critiques and opinions :) Here is poem #1: Alas! If only we’d had time Spritely, lively, my love once danced:    laugh like music, smile like the sun, a siren’s voice— I am entranced.         O’er green fields we gaily did run; A growing love, a steady climb—    Alas! If only we’d had time!  Early mornings, sat by the stream,    heedless of the treacherous air—   Oh! How gentle the breeze did seem!     Now, each gust a derisive sneer,   my anger climbs— bitter relapse;            But so much time has passed! Alas— As skin runs cold, your blood runs hot    and tears like salty torrents rain. The cures all fail, my vision spots;    Take me! End this eternal pain! This aching, dire, relentless strife;    Trade with me, love, your fading life!  Alas, there's nothing I can do    to sway the minds of death and fate.  Crimson shifts to hyacinth blue;        My love, for you, I dedicate the songs I'll sing till I collapse,    of ceaseless grief, alas— alas—   And poem #2: the last time we met.. the last time we met, i stood to the side, i held back my tears, averted my eyes. the last time we met wasn’t meant to be last, your future was shattered, now lost in the past. so many thoughts that we hadn’t displayed– what about all of the promises you’d made? our journey up north, to see ancestors' homes; i never once thought you would join them below! together we grew, together we learned, but last time we met, the old you had burned. i hate that you’re gone, that there was no goodbye. no longer together, my brother and i.  I don't know why the formatting's gone all weird, but thanks in advance to anyone who can give me some advice/critiques! (The deadline's not for another month, so I'm not in a huge hurry)
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