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leeb142
57 M Embraced
Please ask who is in front when asking to talk. (We do have littles, so please be patient.)
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupTeen Last activeNovember, 2023 Member sinceNovember 22, 2023
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Osdd-1b system. 

Jayleen, or leeb and Ren fronting at the moment.


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Osdd, or Other Specified Dissociative Disorder.
Trauma Support / by leeb142
Last post
 November 23rd, 2023
...See more I am a teen, who struggles with multiple things, but the thing that affects me the most is my experience with a certain disorder called OSDD, but most people know it as DID. Usually I keep to myself but I have been going through multiple stages of denial and it is impacting me. Seeking help is hard, I'm scared to open up because of being a laughing matter or not taken seriously. My family does not believe in dissociative disorders and that makes it worse due to not being able to talk to them. I have struggled with this for years, and have made up reasons on how I cannot have the disorder. "The other parts of my brain is faking and im unconscious about it" "Maybe I'm just so good at faking that i dont know i am" "What if I'm just really bipolar" is all things I've said, to turn out that it is all things that happen with others, It has been 4 years throughout denial, going through 5 which is next year. I've had childhood trauma that I cannot remember, and digging for it makes it worse. One reason I used to believe that I don't have the disorder is that when I was younger, I saw people with it and did research, finding out I have the symptoms like it and thought "Maybe I did have it" Later on this caused me to believe i was faking it and forgot. I know I'm not in this alone, but cant help but think what if I really am faking and just forgot, and that my brain acts different on purpose. Switches arent really distinct, which makes it worse for me. Mostly gray-outs are experienced. I'm normally co-conscious or fully conscious. Another reason I used to think i faked without knowing is that whenever I'm thinking, a voice "appears" to help with what I'm doing, which made me believe that it was just my consciousness, or that I indirectly made a script that my brain read out to itself without me knowing, I did everything to show myself I was faking. Looking online to see of you could indirectly fake, invalidating myself when looking back, I should've taken everything one step at a time. Although I still struggle with invalidating myself at times, I know that if I take everything in a slow pace, I'll soon be out of my environment, be able to seek professional help, and live my life in a way that protects me and keeps me safe. Thank you for reading this all if you did, and have a great Thanksgiving. What's one thing you are grateful for? I'm grateful for health.
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