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legaalities
80 M Embraced
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes12 Current upvotes12 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2016 Member sinceJune 6, 2016
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I'm a failure
Depression Support / by legaalities
Last post
 June 16th, 2016
...See more I failed my final exam for Differential Equations today for sure, I didn't answer half of the questions because I didn't know what to do. I could've asked for help but I deserved to fail. When I got home my dad was disappointed in me and I went to my room and holed myself up as I do when I'm upset but he made me come out and then gave me a heartfelt lecture about how he thinks my boyfriend is distracting me and it's ok that I failed but I need to take my life more seriously and he was like me once and I need to regroup and all this stuff. I hate being lectured so I just stared at the wall. I felt so condescended. I almost started crying and a tear fell out of my eye and I immediately wanted to bash my face into the wall for being such a weak idiot. Now I feel like throwing up and dying in a heap on the floor because I'm a disappointment and failure and stupid piece of *** I hate myself so much please help me stop hating myself
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I feel dead
Depression Support / by legaalities
Last post
 June 9th, 2016
...See more All I want to do is sleep. I have no interest in school or going out anymore. I don't have friends. My BPD makes me put my boyfriend on a pedestal but when I'm mad at him or when he is mad at me that comes crashing down and I feel like I have nobody. I'm pushing him and everyone else away and all I want to do is sleep. When i can't sleep anymore I just want to lay motionless and do nothing. I want to stop caring about my appearance but I can't because I hate my appearance so much and am apologetic to anyone who looks at me for how ugly I am so I try to make up for it with makeup and straightening my hair but I still feel fake and hideous. I'm so embarrassed by who and what I am. I hate myself so much. I don't know what to do anymore.
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I am having a meltdown!!
Personality Disorders Support / by legaalities
Last post
 June 11th, 2016
...See more Ok so I'm pretty erratic and on edge right now but my boyfriend is really aggravating me right now!! We just had a fight where basically he said I give up too easily because he was testing me to see if I'd fight for something and me being me I didn't fight at all and I just sort of let it go!! But like why should I have to fight for my boyfriend!! Like?? What?? Anyway so we were driving and he was going to drive me over to his house for dinner but instead he just took me home because he was upset and said I should go and I didn't want to be a bother so I left but when I got inside he texted me and basically it was all a test to see if I would fight for him and I didn't because I felt unwanted and he said I failed the test. Naturally I'm pissed about it and tomorrow is my birthday and my mom who lives in California is coming into town so he said I should probably stay home with her instead of seeing him for my birthday and I said no!! I want to see you!! On my birthday!! And he kept saying I shouldn't so I said oh my gosh fine I'll see you Thursday and... Guess what!! That was another test!! To see if I'd fight to see him on my birthday!! Like!!,CAN YOU STOP TESTING ME PLEASE!! THEY ARENT NICE AND YOURE MESSING WITH MY HEAD!! YOU ATE LITERALLY MY FAVORITE PERSON AND I HECKIN HATE YOU RN!! So now I'm just over it and mad at him and just so on edge!! I never type like this passive aggressively pretending everything is good and funny I just feel so friggin terrible lol!! I'm done!!
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I'm back
Depression Support / by legaalities
Last post
 June 6th, 2016
...See more I was previously the user @retrocal but I lost access to my account. I wasn't on the app for awhile because things were going well for me but now I'm back on a low and I feel like this app is the only place I can vent. A few things about me, I turn 20 in 2 days and I'm in central Florida. I love photography and theatre. I'm going to engineering school but it's a major source of stress for me. I have a wonderful boyfriend named Jonathan who will be joining me in college and at work. I work at Texas Roadhouse. I don't really do much but go to school and eat and sleep unless it's hanging out with my boyfriend wherever he wants to go. I don't have many friends I hang out with and I can get very lonely when my boyfriend is busy but maintaining friendships is too hard. Everything is too hard. I'm just tired and have no motivation for anything anymore. But yeah that's me. I'm glad to be back.
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