lightHuman1618 Member Profile

Don’t know what to do…help!

General Support / by lightHuman1618

November 25th, 2024

...See more My husband and I have been married for 14 years and we’ve been through a lot in that time. We have 2 kids with additional needs and life is busy and hard work. We live in a regional area and he travels 1.5hrs drive away to the city to his dream job. I work 2 casual jobs locally and do everything else for me and the kids. We had a big fight on the weekend (one of many) and I’m not sure if I can recover from it again. I have no family support I am exhausted and overwhelmed by the end of the day and feel so unappreciated. The only place I feel safe is in my bed on my side. On Saturday he took the kids out for a few hours and as soon as he got home he went straight to the bedroom and got into bed on my side of the bed without a word to me. I was annoyed as he didn’t communicate with me whatsoever about the outing or how he was feeling and just took over my safe space and expected me to take over care of the kids immediately as “he’d done it all day”. I did raise my voice which was not ok but I was so triggered that he completely ignored me and expected me to just take over while he relaxed in the only place I feel comfortable and safe in the house!! I have a lot of trauma around feeling safe as I was raised by a narcissistic mother and I’m doing a lot of work on healing, one of the ways is creating a safe space for myself, which I have explained to him. He never makes me feel heard or seen and therefore safe. He stayed in the bedroom for the next 4 hours and then when he emerged he screamed his head off at me for they way I spoke to him when he came home and went straight to the bedroom. He said he can do whatever he wants he doesn’t have to ask permission to rest. I apologised for the way I spoke but tried to explain why and he just shouted me down yelling about how I give him nothing and I’m always feeling sick or tired or going on about some problem he doesn’t want to hear about, that’s why he doesn’t listen, and that’s how he’ll continue. He said he wants to sleep in separate rooms and doesn’t want to talk about it has basically just ignored me since. I’m not sure what to do now. I’m so hurt and over being unseen, unheard and unappreciated for everything I do for my family. I’m not sure I can come back from this with him. He’s made it pretty clear that he doesn’t want anything else to do with me. I feel so alone. Any suggestions about what I should do next?

I’m so done

Relationship Stress / by lightHuman1618

March 22nd, 2023

Family just doesn’t get it

Autism Support / by lightHuman1618

January 24th, 2023

...See more Hi guys, I just need to vent. Today we went over to my parents house so they could see my 7yo daughter for her birthday. She is autistic (PDA profile) and has ADHD. She doesn’t like a lot of attention especially on her birthday. I’ve told my mum a number of times that we don’t sing happy birthday and blow out candles with her as she hates it and has asked us not to. When we arrived she was still clinging on to me like a koala and hadn’t warmed up yet. They had this table set up with a pile of cupcakes with a candle in each one of them. As soon as my little one saw it she buried her head in my chest and clung on even tighter. My mum kept insisting that we light the candles and sing her happy birthday. Read the room lady!! I told her again nicely that she didn’t want to. So she cracked it and pulled out all the candles and threw them down in a huff. Needless to say, we didn’t stay much longer after that. A couple of hours later I get this passive aggressive text message saying she hoped she’d snapped out of her bad mood by now and that she’d only tried to make her birthday special. I’m so over this crap!!!! Grrrr!!!!

Dealing with in-law family members

Family & Caregivers / by lightHuman1618

December 31st, 2022

...See more I really don’t know what to do right now. My husband’s brothers family is a total mess. His brother and his wife are total slobs and live in squalor with their 2 daughters. They have both always been very lazy and never cleaned their house and the kids have grown in a house that is always very messy and dirty, rubbish and food scraps everywhere, urine stained sheets being left on children’s beds, piles of children’s clothes on the floor soaked with cat urine etc.. His brother has always worked long shifts and his wife has stayed at home with the kids. Since they were toddlers both children have been left unsupervised since as the mother sleeps during the day. It has always been blamed on his wife’s depression. Fast forward to now when their 12yo daughter has been diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder level 2-3. Last time we saw her in October this year her hair was completely matted and infested with lice, her body is also infested with lice as far down as her legs which were covered in red bite marks. She was staying at her grandmother’s and was refusing to shower or get out of bed. She wasn’t communicating with anyone and just ignored everyone. She has not attended school for the last half of the year. Letters have been sent home and programs been set up by the school to help with re-engaging her with school but to no avail. There is no supervision of her in the morning after her father departs for work with her sister (around 8am) as her mother is asleep in the house until mid morning. Therefore, she has no support transitioning from home to school, which she is expected to catch public transport to school alone. She therefore just stays in the house after her father has departed and is still there when her mother wakes up. She makes no effort to ensure she goes to school. My and my husbands concern is obviously that basic care is not being met by either parent and at this point she is being neglected as there is no support around attending school, adequate health care/personal care or support for her additional needs. My husband and his other brother have talked to his brother about it and offered support but nothing has changed. Over many years they have been given loads and loads of practical and financial support also. I’ve previously worked in a position of mandatory reporting and I’m in a moral dilemma about what to do. If I make an anonymous report and it ends up get used to support having the child/ren removed from their care, is the alternative going to be any better or worse? What can we possibly do right now to help those kids?

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