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lightPlane1064
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts23 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 9, 2025
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Anyone Else Unmotivated?
Eating Disorder Support / by lightPlane1064
Last post
 February 14th
...See more I spent so much time in the past trying to make time for food, and to readjust to a new feeding schedule, and to eat balanced meals instead of junk food for primary nutrition that now, when I am in a position where I have lots of work to be done, and scarce time to spare, I find it difficult to readjust again, and to break out of the habit of prioritizing food. I do not think my current version of prioritizing is healthy; or alas, the healthfulness of it is masked by my doubts, fear, or stress leading to recycling of bad habits. These bad habits include rapid eating. I eat faster than I would like because I feel like I won’t have time to later so my body needs to store calories, which is not how the human body works. There is an abundance of fuel around me, and time to enjoy it, I just need to dedicate less time to it, and more time to what’s important like actually getting started on schoolwork. I also eat fast, in a habit that mirrors binge-eating without throwing up, when I am nervous/bored/procrastinating schoolwork. I don’t understand why this particular habit is so hard to break, especially when schoolwork is not ever as hard as I expected it to be. My thoughts are similar to fear. I think something like I’m not gonna be good enough, my goals are so far away, or what I’m doing is not worth it, or I’m not worth it. I also have a hunch that maybe I am afraid of my own potential, maybe that is why schoolwork is such a target, if not then maybe schoolwork feels hard because it’s the second primary activity that takes up most of my time.  If the bad habit is just to take up time I think about my happiness/marginal utility/dopamine boost something could provide me with (examples: five more minutes of sleeping? I’ll finish eating at 5:30 instead of 5:25, or I have to finish eating within 30-40 minutes, I’ll let my computer charge, then start… what can I do while I wait? What can I eat later? What recipe ideas can I google now or make later? How much of this am I going to eat before I feel sick? I can have a piece now and later; if I eat this/this much now, I can’t have this later. This is not going to help my cholesterol. This is not going to help my heart health)  Sometimes I’ll do this when I’m not hungry. Or even if I was satisfied. I actually think chronically eating in this way is causing me to be burned out of food. Not necessarily nauseous, but either very full from eating whatever/whenever I want,  or just not hungry. Sometimes when I’m stressed or drafting for a paper or something I don’t even notice my calorie intake, maybe my body just burns through it. Because I am usually aware of my marathon like eating pace I deeply try my best to slow down, to realize why I’m doing this, and to just start the damn activity. I definitely know the activity that is not worth my time is my bad eating habit. Even if the activity is something fun, I just feel like I don’t want to work. I say that, but at the same time I miss real job-work. (Earning money). I feel like I haven’t earned what I decide to binge. I feel like I eat it out of sadness too, because I don’t want to see my hard work wasted if no one is eating it, or I just feel sad about myself being so lazy, feeling like a glutton, unmotivated, and knowing that I am gradually losing my enjoyment of life no matter how many people in it love me. I think I have developed cynicism about the world, because I am not always sad just about myself. I fear death, I think about the sadness of death in general, especially dying in a hospital or prematurely, the effects of cancers, how depressed the world is. I think about disappointing my parents and working them to death to take care of me as an adult, looking childish instead of sexually attractive, not being as physically strong as last year. Sadness usually makes me slow down and stop eating, but if it’s not those types of thoughts that drive the bad habits, then the shame and sadness are what come after. Depends on the day for that one, because I’ve come to accept that there’s nothing I can do about the amount I consumed accept wait, and hope my brain fog will pass before deadlines.  But wait... There is something I can do. It's called let it go. Stop doomscrolling. Just let all the negative out. Just do it scared. On paper; in a post; with therapy.  And connect with people. And in expressing to others, I may realize the value of the self. 
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