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lightSquare912
895 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 22 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts12 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2020 Member sinceMay 30, 2017
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Is it wrong for someone to feel what they feel, or want what they want?
Relationship Stress / by lightSquare912
Last post
 February 5th, 2020
...See more Is it wrong for someone to feel what they feel, or want what they want? My boyfriend (let's call him B) of 5 years and I recently broke up. He thinks it's due to someone else (that I do have feelings for) but I know that's not the case. While I do have feelings and care about this other person, I'm not trying to have anything with them beyond a friendship at this time. But I can't make B understand that it's not my feelings for another person what caused the breakup. I have been feeling "it" dwindling for the last two years but I love and care so much about him that I stayed. Granted, I could have taken a better approach to fixing this and maybe getting us to a better place but I did not have the tools at the time. When things started changing for me two years ago, we were both going through major life changes, the most significant of which was him separating from the military. I have recently realized that this event overhauled him as a person and that's when we started to divert. To this day I have absolutely nothing bad to say about him, he has been wonderful and I hold, and will continue to hold the relationship in the highest regard. Which is why it hurts so much when he says I don't care because I'm giving up. We have gone to therapy, we have read books, we have tried working on our sexuality (which was a big contention point). We would both see progress but never in the same areas, what I thought was improving he didn't agree with and vice versa. I would still have this amazing connection with him, just not the romantic or sexual one we were supposed to have as a couple. And the reason I developed feelings for another person is because I saw in them what I was wanting and missing in my relationship. But I still love B because he's an amazing person and the last thing I want to do is cause him any further pain. Is breaking up a mistake? I restate my opening question: Is it wrong for someone to feel what they feel, or want what they want? At this time I don't feel like I want to keep trying because I am tired. I would like some peace, and while my relationship was never aggresive and we didn't have huge fights, the long conversations and constant questioning take a toll. To make matters more difficult, we still live together and will probably stay like that for at least four more months. I find it concerning how good I feel when I get home and he's not there. Sometimes I literally bust out singing. And this is all very confusing because I still want him in my life and I care deeply about him, I just don't feel like I'm supposed to be in a relationship with him anymore. Does this make me a selfish and terrible person? If there was a magic button I could press to bring us back to a happy place, I would.
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