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lilmissjaded
581 M Embraced 4
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts45 Forum posts11 Forum upvotes21 Current upvotes21 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2022 Member sinceOctober 18, 2022
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New diagnosis yet it isn’t new to me
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by lilmissjaded
Last post
 October 25th, 2022
...See more I have always known I was bipolar, it was a feeling I just knew. I always struggled with depression but even more confusingly I have ALWAYS struggled with manic episodes too. I just never wanted this to be me being bipolar. I don’t know why I was scared of the diagnosis. after YEARS of trying different anxiety and depression medications to no avail, I finally decided it was time to seek further help. That’s when the dreaded diagnosis came. I am bipolar. I know it’s probably hard for you all to read me talk about how badly I didn’t want to be bipolar. I apologize. This is just how I feel. I started taking vraylar this week. I would love to hear y’all’s recommendations on medication that has been most effective for you. I know we are all different, I just hate feeling so uneducated on my diagnosis. love always, lilmissjaded 🥀❤️‍🩹
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Will it ever be the same?
Trauma Support / by lilmissjaded
Last post
 October 19th, 2022
...See more TW// I was raped twice in college. after both of these instances, while at a party with well known NBA players, my best friend I invited to come with me was gang raped. It was on camera, but ofc nothing happened with the police. One of the players that invited me, gave my friend and I only a pill of ecstasy. I still to this day do not know what that pill was, as I had taken ecstasy before and it did NOT make me feel like that. These events happening so short in time caused me to harden up and never address what had happened. I became extremely hypersexual and tended to get involved with men that in various aspects reminded me of my assailants. My therapist at the time believed I was trying to feel as if I had control and minimize the situations. fast forward, while I’m still in this IDGAF mindset, either drunk or high or both, I met a man who gave me allllll these promises of a wealthy extravagant life. I had ran in the circles of pro athletes, rappers, millionaires etc so having the opportunity to have their life for my own seemed like a dream. only it wasn’t a dream. He was a pimp. I found myself in a sex trafficking ring. I don’t want to talk too much about that yet. I’ve only been free for a year and I haven’t properly worked through it all. I don’t want to trigger myself too much right now, so that’s something I can loop back to one day. POINT TO ALL THIS. I have been celibate for a year since I returned home. I get anxiety thinking about the act of sex and feel like it’s transactional. the last time I had sex with someone (fully willing) I felt like I was in a trance. Will I ever get to the point where I enjoy sex again? will this affect my dating life? Will I ever meet someone who understands? being 23, the dating scene is quite ICKY. I’m not trying to date, I obviously need to heal myself, but I do get anxiety thinking about when the time comes.
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hi, show some love. ❤️ TW
Trauma Support / by lilmissjaded
Last post
 February 19th, 2024
...See more Hi! I’m new here. you can call me lilmissjaded. i’m a 23 year old female from USA. I’m *healing* through the aftermath of human/sex trafficking, rape, suicidal attempts, addiction and daddy issues just to sum it all up. I obviously have PTSD and bipolar tendencies. My anxiety leaves me unable to attach to people and I tend to push away all my support. I truly feel nobody understands me. I feel as if I have to put a wall up to everyone new, and I have to protect those around me from me. I know I’m a mess and drain joy. I complicate everything for those around me. I guess when you see the horrors of the world, it’s hard to see it as innocent ever again. I have panic attacks when I engage in sexual activity, leading me to be celibate. i’m so scared I will be alone forever because no one will be able to handle my trauma and the aftermath it left on me. i would love to speak with someone who feels similarly or has overcame these feelings just to give me hope. my current state is barely living. I created a journal on here I would love for you guys to join in. I am tired of feeling so alone in my thoughts.
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THE HEALING ERA
Trauma Support / by lilmissjaded
Last post
 October 20th, 2022
...See more hoping to create a space for myself and others to just get everything out.
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