limeJar5946 Member Profile

...See more You know I sit back, and I work my ass off working 12-20 hours a day and I fucking struggle every two weeks. My bills get paid none the less and but I struggle.. i come home to deal with bullshit and a brother who seems to have everything handed to him and I'm guilty of being and enabler i pay his phone bill, like a damn dummy.. but do I complain no, I internalize this crap until I boil over, until i cant sleep at night until i break! I cant keep doing this to myself it hurts, everytime, I hate my job, i hate my living situation, I hate being alone, I hate being lonely, I need something better than this for myself… for my sanity this shit just goes on and on, my life has become so repetitive, the same shit every damn, same shit every year.. I'd say since about 24 every year has been the same, my life is passing me by.. I pay rent and come home or have to deal with someone in my bed, someone watching my TV, using my YouTube, Netflix, hulu, vudu, accounts for their own use! Help me fucking pay for something! Do something for the house l, for me, for somebody damn, stop being a damn freeloader.. I just cant seem to catch a break.. I'm 28 years old, there's shit I haven't experienced that I probably should have by now, there things I want to do that I cant, i never have any free time, any free money, I cant say that i actually have any friends, I have people I know, and people I work with, i try to treat them like friends but that doesnt work l..I just feel like I'm running out of time, I dont want to look back on this one shot given and say damn I wish I would or I wish I could've you know! I want to look back at my life and say damn I had fun, i want to be able to sit with grandkids and tell them when i was young stories, apparently that shit only happens in the movies though huh? I just want more for myself but I have no idea how to obtain, how to reach anything anymore.. I'm not sure I know how or where to make a friend, I dont know how to build a relationship.. maybe I'm in a rut right now, just maybe itll work out, nope I cant keep thinking that way that's what's gotten me to where I am, I need to take action somehow I need help! I cant keep hiding behind a smile, it's not getting me anywhere, but I also cant walk around depressed looking, I cant be that person, it's not in me to be that way… I cant give up on myself! But i feel like i already have

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