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limegreenGrapes990
126 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2021 Member sinceJuly 13, 2021
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Stay or go? Attachment styles
Relationship Stress / by limegreenGrapes990
Last post
 July 16th, 2021
...See more I was wondering if I could get some advice on my relationship. I’ll try to make it as concise as possible. I am a 20 yr old female and I am in a long distance relationship (me in Fl and him in Ca) with a 21 year old male, we have been on and off for 2 years. We recently started being bf & gf again in April of this year when I finally went to see him in person, and it was everything I could’ve ever wanted. In that moment I knew that I was with my person. Now to talk about attachment styles; I have an anxious attachment style while he has an avoidant (literally opposites), and I find it really hard to communicate with him sometimes. As an anxious attachment, I want to have him close (being otp) and talk it out if I’m having a bad day or I am stressed out. He, on the other hand, does not want to talk about his bad days and if he’s frustrated, he likes to push it under the rug and when I ask him if he’s good he just says yes and gets increasingly frustrated if I keep asking him (even though I know he’s not okay). So, I continue to talk like he’s okay and he gets frustrated even more because I’m asking questions and conversing as if he’s perfectly fine (which he told me he was!) and snaps at me or raises his voice. Here’s an example if you need one: Last night, we were on FaceTime, he had just got off work and was heading to his friends house to pick up some stuff. 2 of the highways were closed so he was frustrated because he had to drive a longer route. I asked him if he was good and he said yes very aggressively, but I was like fine whatever, and kept conversing as usual, then I am not sure what I said but he said something along the lines of “we we’re good but now you want to get butthurt over a joke and now the whole vibe is ruined, just cause you wanted to have your feelings hurt” OBVIOUSLY that shit hurt, so I was crying and told him he was talking like an asshole, and that I was going to get off the phone. We ended up staying on the phone in silence because he didn’t want me to get off the phone. He basically blamed me for the reason we were “fighting”, and I told him the reason we were fighting was because he was frustrated and talked to me in a way a man should never talk to a woman. I feel as if he doesn’t take my feelings seriously and whenever I want to open up about my feelings, he thinks it’s a fight. If he had just told me he was frustrated from the start and didn’t feel like talking about it, I think the situation would have been different. He said that he grew up in a household where his father figure told his mother to stop bitching and crying about stuff all the time, and that I needed to cut him some slack because he’s trying and that he just needs time. Writing this now is making me very upset, because I know it’s not the way I should be treated. I know I have growing to do, and so does he, but where is the line? Should I stay with him and endure being talked to badly, try to make it work and find ways to work it out? Or should I just scrap it, and leave a person who I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with? Sometimes it’s hard to trust myself because I know I can be very anxious and tend to overthink. It doesn’t help that he is not very upfront about his emotions so it’s hard to not overthink when he says he’s fine but I know he’s not. Long distance also doesn’t help but I don’t want to use that as an excuse and assume we wouldn’t have these issues if we lived in the same city. I’m sorry if this was so long. Honestly, I got my answer after typing this out but I still want to send it because I want to hear a third persons perspective on it, and hopefully it’ll help anyone who is going through something similar.
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