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limegreenHemlock5257
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts34 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupTeen Last activeFebruary, 2026 Member sinceFebruary 3, 2026
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I'm losing control
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by limegreenHemlock5257
Last post
 February 4th
...See more Hi. I’m new at this, but I'm writing because I’ve started to notice a pattern that scares me, and I don’t want to ignore it. I’m under the legal drinking age, but sadly that hasn't stopped me. Over the past year, alcohol has slowly become my default reaction when emotions pile up. It’s not about partying or curiosity. It’s about relief. When things hurt, my brain goes straight there: my first impulse is to reach for a bottle. A lot has been weighing on me lately. I’m still dealing with the aftermath of a very intense relationship that ended but never fully let go. There are feelings that didn’t get closure, and that kind of unfinished emotional attachment has been draining me more than I like to admit. Some days it feels like I’m grieving something that’s already moved on without me, and that's slowly killing me from inside. On top of that, I’m navigating my sexuality in an environment that isn’t exactly safe or open. There’s constant self-monitoring, fear of reactions, and a lot of internal tension that never really turns off. It’s exhausting to always be filtering yourself. Family dynamics haven’t helped either. Tonight I had a very strong argument with my father (he’s going to leave home soon because of all this), and when I was finally alone, my first instinct was to reach for a bottle of whisky. That moment truly scared me. Not because it happened, but because it felt automatic. This hasn’t been a one-time thing. It’s been getting progressively worse, and I’m aware of that. My family doesn’t know about all this, but my friends do, and although they’ve expressed their concern to me these past few months, I was downplaying everything until some days ago, when I had a difficult episode. I even took a national public health screening from my country recently that indicated a high-risk pattern of consumption, which forced me to stop pretending this was harmless. I can’t currently access therapy, and involving my parents isn’t an option right now. I’m here because I don’t want alcohol to become the way I regulate pain, anger, loneliness, or confusion. I’m not in immediate danger. I’m just very sensitive tonight, and I needed to write this openly. I’m here to listen, learn, and feel less alone in this. Thank you for reading. Hope you're doing well.
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