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limegreenSouth1602
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2026 Member sinceMay 12, 2026
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Fiancé's Addiction
Addiction Support / by limegreenSouth1602
Last post
 May 16th
...See more A few days ago, I found out my fiancé has been trying to overcome a p**n addiction. I am trying to be understanding and support him, but my emotions have been all over the place and I feel like my reality has been turned upside down. I'm hoping in posting my story that anyone going through something similar can share their perspective. Last week, my fiancé seemed out of sorts and sad. I asked him what was wrong, and after telling me he didn't want to talk about it, he finally opened up about everything. He said that prior to meeting me (we've been together two years), he had a p**n addiction and would watch every day + mas******e to it. He was in a low place where he felt alone and like his life wasn't progressing in the way he'd hoped. He told me that he had already wanted to quit the p**n before meeting me and talked to his therapist at the time about having a problem. He was able to get better to some extent after focusing on a gym routine. He told me that after we met, his p**n use frequency changed for the better.  Early in our relationship, I knew he had used porn to some extent because he was having issues with ED and sexual confidence. We had talked about him stopping p**n use, but at the time I didn't know the extent of his prior use/addiction. After having our recent conversation, he told me that about 3 months into our relationship he started to actively work on quitting p**n because he knew it was negatively impacting our relationship/sex life. I had noticed improvements over the course of our relationship with him being able to stay hard, so I thought things were moving in the right direction.  As for the p**n use, I was under the impression he had stopped entirely because he told me several times that he no longer needed p**n, and "I was his p**n now." Flashback to last week where he admitted that there have been times when he was watched p**n during our relationship. The reason he had been looking sad/off which spurred our conversation is that he said he was having a bad day of fighting urges and it was feeling exhausting. He described it like the urges come in waves, where he can go months without it, but then will watch for a few days. He told me it has been over a year since he last mastu*****d to porn, and the last time he looked at p**n was several months ago. He says he now only looks at it for a few minutes when he has these urges (every few months or so, but then can last for a week at a time) so that he can train his brain to see p**n as boring and unnecessary. He said his goal is to completely stop watching p**n, and after seeing how upset it has made me, he swears he will stop completely because he doesn't want to hurt me any longer. I'm hopeful since he has made a lot of progress from watching p**n + mast*****g daily before meeting me, to only watching p**n every few months that he can overcome this addiction. But even though he keeps telling me the p**n use has nothing to do with me or my body, I can't help feeling inadequate. I also told him he broke my trust by making me believe he was no longer watching p**n. He even admitted that a few times he watching it on his phone while I was in the same room as him trying to have a conversation with him. I'm hurt and disappointed, but I love my fiancé and in every other way he has been nothing but a loving, supportive partner. He says he thought he could overcome the addiction on his own and control it before ever having to hurt me with knowing about it. I have set boundaries with him about telling me when/if he slips up, and absolutely not watching it when I am with him. He has been nothing but receptive, and we have had hours worth of conversations about this over the past few days with him being open and not defensive. I also confirmed with him that the p**n use while we've been together has never been OF or talking/following p**n stars. I don't consider watching p**n cheating, but it does make me uncomfortable. I guess I just needed to get this off my chest. Any other perspectives or advice would be appreciated. 
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