lonewo1f95 Member Profile

...See more I've got a long story for everybody that I hope is allowed here. I'm an overthinker and I've been trying to wrap my head around everything that's happened between my ex gf and I the last maybe 5 weeks. I'm a straight man and she's a pan woman/non-binary. She seemed distant and wasn't very affectionate for a few days and she was spending more time on the computer twitch streaming and talking to a trans woman streamer. I had a feeling she had feelings for her which upset me so I confronted her one night. She told me she was pansexual and got romantic feelings for her and had already planned to visit her on spring break before she had feelings. She said she wasn't going to cheat and if they did stuff it wouldn't be full on sex because she was disphoric about her male parts. Because I confronted her she decided to break up with me to try anyway and she made her disphoric which upset her so much she was suicidal and wished she never tried. She came back the next week and seemed ashamed and wished she was straight and hadn't broken up with me but never really tried to make it work again. Then she said she didn't regret going. She got on a dating site and was talking to people and starting sleeping in another room because being with a man made her uncomfortable. We still messed around for a bit but she was back and forth with sex. She stayed in the other room and I could hear her voice chats with other people before bed and it upset me. I still loved her and wanted us to be together but she was flirting with another trans woman and it upset me and I would get irritated and start arguing with her which upset her obviously and one day I decided to kick her out. She packed everything and moved to her parents for 2 weeks and shipped her stuff to the trans woman's house where she's moving to and she's going to date the other trans woman. She flew there yesterday and she's probably there by now. Despite the fighting we wished each other well but rarely text. She said she would hate herself more if she didn't try and I get that, but why throw away everything we had for it? We were talking about getting married for months and even talked about kids, then BAM all gone. I went to her family stuff, even her nieces bday party after we had broken up to give the illusion that everything was ok. She didn't want anyone to know we had broken up and didn't change her fb and I went along with it. She said she was lying to herself about being straight and thought marriage and kids would make her happy, but she's pan and wants to explore that and what I should move on. She said she would come back for Christmas and might bring a gf back. I feel like she's just rubbing it in my face, because I couldn't accept the breakup and her sexuality right then and there, and I tried really hard! To the point that I was suffering for it. I think she has more issues besides exploring her sexuality. She said it's more to do with feeling accepted and feeling in control of her life. She's been in bad relationships, only with guys, and she's afraid of confrontation and has to feel in control. We both struggle with anxiety and depression, and for a while I couldn't leave the house most days besides going to work. I think she lost feelings for me because I wasn't giving her the attention she wanted while she was sick with an ear infection and I wouldn't go out with her when she wanted to a few times and she held that against me but said I was a sweet guy and it was all her fault we broke up because she's not straight. I know she felt guilty for hurting me and did stuff with me some and took me out to eat a few times to kinda make up for it and I told her thanks and I appreciated it. Whenever I would get upset I was taking my frustrations out on her and I would apologize and try to make up for it buy doing extra around the house or buying her something or trying to cheer her up but I never got the feeling that she appreciated it. She said I was just manipulating the feelings she did have for me. Idk what to think about everything. I'm lost and heartbroken.

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