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loyalGrapes8020
1 75 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2023 Member sinceAugust 16, 2022
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Trying to get over crush on lesbian best friend
Relationship Stress / by loyalGrapes8020
Last post
 March 17th, 2025
...See more I am on the autism spectrum. I know/have known plenty of other people on the spectrum, but most of the time I have a hard time getting along with them for one reason or another, so most of my friends are neurotypical. I know they all mean the best, but I don't think my NT friends are able to understand how my needs are different from theirs, even after I've tried to explain it to them. But there is a girl in my friend group who is also on the spectrum who I feel understands me perfectly. Whenever I talk to her I feel like I'm talking to myself but with a new perspective, if that makes sense. She understands the way I perceive things because she is the same way. She's able to help me whenever I'm upset and I'm able to do the same for her. I've been (online) friends with her for years now, since before the pandemic, and I've been perfectly contempt with just being her friend. But all of the sudden at the beginning of this year it's like a switch flipped or something, because I've fallen head over heels for her. Whenever I'm not in a voice chat with her I want to be texting her. Whenever I am with a chat I want to be talking to her endlessly. It doesn't even matter about what. I love listening to her ramble about computer parts even though I have no idea what she's talking about. She's a lovely person and I would want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with her. Even though I know she's gay. I can't tell her how I feel. I know that. It would not only end our friendship but make her feel betrayed that one of her best friends felt like this(has happened to her before). But it's tearing me up inside. Not only keeping the secret but just feeling this way in general even though I know she wouldn't like it. I want to tell her so bad but I can't. I've tried everything I've been suggested by other friends and the internet to get over it. I've; - Told myself aloud "No" every time I thought of her romantically - Limited the time I spoke to her without someone else in the voice call - Tried to find someone else to put those emotions on (which I understand is a thing you have to keep going at, but its so hard to try and meet new people when you already have a group of friends you like and just want to be with them because it's safe) I feel like my only other option is to just stop being her friend, but I don't want to do that! She's my friend, and not only would it be unfair to her to just up and cut connection with her and it would tear our friend group up, but I just don't want to lose one of the closest friends I have. Even if I did cut contact with her, that doesn't even guarantee I'll stop thinking about her. I just want a lobotomy or something so I can stop thinking like this. It's unfair that these feelings just came in all of the sudden and ruined a perfectly good platonic relationship.
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