lucavllyrl Member Profile

...See more I'm having an anxiety attack. I want to cry so bad my head hurts I can't fall asleep. I feel to anxious to break up with my girlfriend but she's too toxic for me. I was deleting photos of my girlfriend to move on and then the photos of good memories started to hurt so bad that I started to have anxiety attack which I usually don't have. In those photos we looked so happy and one of those was my favourite memory. She smiled so brightly and was happy because we we're buying dino plushies. Her eyes look so pretty when she smiles her smile os so pretty. I haven't seen her smile in ages it hurts me. Like I deleted easly the photos where she looks attractive because I want to break up with her but the photos of good memories just hurt so bad when we were innocent it looked so happy. I miss those times so bad. Back then she appreciated me and valued me and actually loved me. She even would tell me reasourigg words and comforting words. I don't know what's going on with her that she's behaving like this but it is not love and she does not respect me. I still love her. It's so hard to leave her. I want to hold her, hug her, touch her hair, hold hands so bad. Oh this just hurts so bad even though she had did so many things that hurt me. She doesnt even appreciate my change for better i stopped doing thigs that bother her but she still hates me. She said she will never give up on me but she did and she did it at the wrong time when i finally changed for her. I stopped being so scared and I fought my fears for her. I really wanted for past month to talk more about what's happenig in my life but she seemed like she doesn't care and like she's too tired to listen. I miss her so much. I stopped liking hanging out with her because she's very toxic towards me. She mocks my feelings even if she feels the same and I never mocked her for that. I never told her that she's pathetic or loser. I was understanding and she didn't appreciate it. She gets annoyed by me on little things that don't bother most of the people. Like she gets upset when I dont answer her right away but she knows im not available to text her aka im doing something like going to my grandma to give her food or when i was hanging with my friends. She knows that its disrespectfull to look at phone while hanging. So why does it bother her? I feel so much stressed that i lost weight and got weaker. I just hate that i didn't stood up for myself more often because I didn't want to hurt her. I didn't want to hurt her because I love her. She doesn't even want to text me. I needed her so many times but she pushed me away. She needed me but she pushed me again once more. She says mean things to me. Says how Im dumb, how she had more fun with Gagi and she was happier with him (they hanged out the day after us had a hang out), how she didnt enjoy any hangotus since 2023. Everything hurts and I can't take it any longer there are so any things I could mentoin but I don't think anyone wants to read this long paragraph.

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