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lucy1983
177 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts38 Forum upvotes27 Current upvotes27 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceJune 24, 2014
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Don't give up on yourself
Depression Support / by lucy1983
Last post
 August 30th, 2014
...See more Just a prologue:  I know that some cases of Depression, PTSD, and GAD are resistant to treatment.  I know some are very complex and severe.  So please do not mis understand this post.  I am only relating my story. It is only my story. I have been depressed all my life.  In childhood I was always anxious and I cried a lot at things other kids just didn't.  My father died in front of me as he was being carried to the car (there were no ambulances at that time where I lived) and no one said a word to me except :BE STRONG.   I took that to heart and all through my early adulthood, I did just that.  Until my husband flatlined, and I saw him with no heartbeat for a full five minutes while they tried to resuscitate him.  He gradually came to but was never the same after ward.  So the ground was shaken under me, he was my rock and I know women are not supposed to "depend" on their husbands... but he was my best friend.  My depression took on a whole new level, and I had PTSD and Generalized Anxiety as well, and entered therapy after trying to be strong.  I was on prozac and lorazepam, and that worked or at least it kept it to a manageable level until this past year.  It seemed my depression totally collapsed upon itself and I found myself suicidal.  I had never had urges like that before.   So I went back into therapy and got a new psychiatrist, who diagnosed me BIpolar 2, Generalized ANxiety, and PTSD.    I was prescribed Lithium. Before I started taking the lithium, I could not have written this post.  I could barely sort silverware in my silverware drawer, or address an envelope.  I feel better, and I feel like the suicidal self is fading away and the old self is coming back.  I had almost given up, decided to just stay in my bed.  I am still guardedly optimistic, I mean I am not out of the woods.  BUt it sure feels good to feel like "my old self" before this depression hit.  Each person is different.  I have tried at least 8 different medications before finding one that worked.   IT was worth one more try.    
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I feel like stigma will always be there
Depression Support / by lucy1983
Last post
 August 24th, 2014
...See more I need to vent about something.  I feel hopeless that the bias against persons wtih depressive disorders of all kinds will never end.  I used to think we would come to a place in society where this can be changed but I don't think so.  I got my diagnosis changed yesterday from Major Depressive Disorder to Bipolar 2.  I am starting on Lithium which gets a lot of negative attention.  Let me tell you, the LIthium is going to save my life.  This proves that it is a brain problem and not my character or my will to be positive.  I was having mood swings every day, and it was exhausting!!!!   The Lithium is leveling those things out, I can actually have a complete thought without crying now.  But will I share this information without the shroud of anonymity?  LIkely not.  I used to think wow if you take Lithium, man you are heavy duty crazy.  Yet here I am. I now know what it is like to be in a marginalized group of people, yet most would not know it.  I will gradually get my life back, but I will never work again, as I am at high risk of suicide and I just don't get along with people anymore.   I can't remember squat. Thanks for letting me vent. 
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