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madsnh02
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PathStep 4 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2023 Member sinceAugust 18, 2023
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Need Advice for Relationship Difficulties
Relationship Stress / by madsnh02
Last post
 August 19th, 2023
...See more I recently moved to Canada from the US a couple months ago and am now living with my boyfriend of 2 years. He's in the military and is about to go on his second deployment within the last year in a month and a half. I'll be starting school in 2 weeks and recently started a new job, am responsible for the majority of the caretaking in the house cleaning up after myself, my partner, our cat, and my partner's two roommates. I'm really stressed out with everything going on and tend to go silent or say very little when I'm stressed or upset, but try to be understanding of my boyfriend who doesn't like when I'm silent. He wants me to talk about how I feel all the time so he can "figure out how to fix the problem," but when I try to tell him what upsets me (which has been some of his habits and behaviors lately), he tells me I'm not being sensitive enough of his feelings and that I don't think before I speak. He's aggressive towards others and jumpy with arguments and loud noises, complains about work all the time, barely lets me get a word in edgewise when we have conversations, has a lax attitude towards his roommates who leave messes and the smell of weed in the house, requires me to be independent when he's deployed and then wants me to rely on him when he's home, and only does things for me and the house when I ask him to do it otherwise he's playing video games. We recently had an argument because I was stressed out from starting my new job and had already told him that I don't like to talk about work. He asked me to not worry about chores and to rely on him and ask him if I need help with anything. I told him it didn't matter because he's going to be away for 2 and a half months soon and I can't rely on him when he's gone and he got upset when I told him that. He then proceeded to tell me that I "go for the jugular" when I'm stressed and that I say hurtful things to him, but to me I simply speak from observation and fact. I told him it didn't matter if I tell him if I had a bad day or need help because he's already demonstrated that he can't handle me telling him about my bad days or complaining about things and that he's just going to tell me that I have to figure things out myself. All of this has left me confused, angry, defeated, and depressed. I feel like I'm not good enough and that I can never do anything right. While I don't like to use it as an excuse, I also left a lot behind for him; my family, my town, my country...everything I've ever known. Now I'm going to be by myself in a country I stepped foot in for the first time 4 months ago while working, going to school, and taking care of our house and our cat. I don't know how to approach him anymore without either hurting his feelings or pushing my own feelings and boundaries aside so he doesn't feel attacked. Any advice is welcome and thank you for reading my rant.
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