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maepricot
4,537 M Seeking Light 6
PathStep 74 Compassion hearts1,547 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2024 Member sinceDecember 1, 2019
Bio

Hi! You can call me Mae. I'm 34 years old, she/her pronouns. 

I'm a history major. I love animals (two dogs, two cats). I love watching movies, catching up on TV series, playing video games, and reading (when I'm not too busy with reading for school to read for fun, anyway). going through it currently. I'm trying to be better. 



Recent forum posts
struggling with patience
Relationship Stress / by maepricot
Last post
 January 19th, 2023
...See more There have been ups and downs in how patient I'm feeling as far as waiting to see when he contacts me again will be, whether that's to actually talk or just to let me know about getting my things from his house. Today, at least on waking up, I'm feeling less patient. It's been almost two weeks since we actually spent a day together, a week and a half or so since we argued and he said it was over and he would get me my stuff. There has been no communication since, even just about getting my stuff. He has my number blocked. He did this once before and I never actually ended up getting my stuff, we just got back together; that time didn't last this long, though. So I'm not necessarily in a hurry to get my things if there's a chance I won't have to. But the not communicating anything at all for this long is getting to me. I know I should probably just be patient and wait it out but it's so tempting to just go confront him so that he has to acknowledge me -- but I also know that could make things worse if there is a chance, and also I will leave feeling 1,000 times worse if he refuses to speak with me. I feel like I have some reasons to be hopeful and some not to be. He deleted his profiles from my streaming services, but I'm still logged in and profiles still there on his. As far as I know, there hasn't been anyone else yet. He partied a lot for the first week, but I'm fairly sure nothing happened, then he got a DUI so he seems to be taking it easy since then. During the argument that led to our breakup, we were struggling over a door (he was trying to push me out because he didn't want to talk then) and it bounced back and chipped his tooth, and I recently heard that he told at least some mutual acquaintances that he chipped the tooth fixing the door with his coworker, rather than talking badly about me. This surprised me because while I'm pretty sure we were mutually at fault, he definitely seemed like he blamed me in the moment and was understandably very mad. I guess he could just be embarrassed and not want to get into it, but idk. Another mutual friend has seen him several times and would have no idea we were broken up if he hadn't talked to me -- my ex hasn't mentioned it at all. Anyway, I really don't know what to do or think. I'm going to try very hard to talk myself out of going and trying to prompt a conversation in person yet because I doubt it will help. But being patient and hearing absolutely nothing is also getting very difficult. I don't know if maybe it would be a good idea to send or drop off a letter or something if I can figure out what it is I want to say. I'll have no way to know if he actually even reads it, I guess, but maybe it could make me feel better to get it out there and at least have a chance of him seeing it.
he deleted himself from our shared streaming services
Relationship Stress / by maepricot
Last post
 January 13th, 2023
...See more I have no idea why I decided to look into it now. it's almost 5am and I was finally starting to feel a little okay (not overall, but like for the night) and sleepy and maybe even able to eat a little something. and then something made me think to log into HBO, i guess wanting to reassure myself or something, and his profile is gone. and I checked all the other services that are ones that i pay for, and his profile is gone from all of them. mine isn't gone from his, but that's just two things, one of which he doesn't use as much and one is connected directly to my google account so idk if he can even unlink that if he thinks of it. it just feels so bad. he didn't do this last time. it feels way more final. and it's only been a few days, and it was such a stupid fight and it happened so quickly. I really thought it was going to be like last time and he was going to change his mind after cooling off for a little bit. I don't think i can handle this this time. I don't know what to do.
I'm really struggling this time...
Relationship Stress / by maepricot
Last post
 January 14th, 2023
...See more Me (33 F) and now-ex-BF (50 M) had not really been close friends but knew each other for years before getting together (we were never single at the same time until when we ended up getting together). Together for 5 years, we were going on 6 this year (May if you count when we first started hooking up, October if you count when we were "officially" a couple). We lived together part-time. I'm really close with my mom so I would usually spend a couple of days a week at my parent's house, but I had my own room/space at his house. Even though we slept in separate rooms usually, our sex life was great. We had sex frequently and it was good, we were super comfortable with each other. Things weren't always perfect -- we would argue about stuff like his drinking and my anxiety/insecurity getting the better of me -- but overall, when that stuff wasn't coming up, we were really happy and comfortable. We really enjoyed traveling together and when we were at home, watching movies and binging TV shows together, or just doing our own thing but being in the same space. I'm super introverted, so being comfortable with someone like that and not having it drain my social battery at all is a big deal, and I'm absolutely hating the idea of having to get to that point again with a new person. New Years Eve weekend was pretty stressful. He owns a bar and I worked there. He has a problematic relationship with drinking which he sometimes acknowledges and sometimes does not. The last two years, we took this holiday off and had a lovely night at home, but this year an event was scheduled at the bar and so we had to be there to work. He drank too much and it led to arguments. An employee ended up quitting because of how he mean was acting while he was drunk. We argued about all this but made up the next day. We had a vacation planned this week, which I was looking forward to getting away after the stressful holiday season. Because of the employee quitting, though, I guess things got busy at work and he didn’t feel like he could get away anymore, so he canceled the trip. He did this without telling me he was even thinking about it, I just woke up to a text letting me know it had happened. I had payed him for half of the hotel expense so I was extra upset that I had not been consulted. I called him, we talked for a few minutes, and then he ended the call while I was in the middle of panicking and being upset about the trip being canceled. I should have just tried to calm down and talk about it later, but I was very upset so I went to try to talk to him. He was at work (outside of business hours, so nothing time sensitive, but I still probably should have respected that) and did not want to talk. I was crying and he didn’t want to deal with it so he was trying to push me out the door. I did not want to be pushed out the door so I resisted, and in the struggle, the door bounced back and chipped his tooth. He was understandably upset about this, and I felt very bad, but he absolutely did not want to hear from me after that. I left. I tried calling and texting to apologize, but he blocked my number. After a day of not speaking, I came to try to talk in person again. He said we were done and that he would get me my stuff from his house. He refused to let me go get my things myself either with him at home or when he was away. We had one other argument previously where he was not speaking to me, and when he did, it was to say we were done and he would get me my stuff, and refused to let me go get it myself. And then a few days later he acted like nothing ever happened. I guess either he didn’t mean it and just thought that was an appropriate way to ask for some space, or he changed his mind. I have some hope that that is what is going on this time, but I don’t know. Some things are different, some things are the same, so it’s hard to tell if it’s really a pattern and I should be hopeful or not. I offered that if this was what he really wanted, I could get a police escort to come with me to pack up my own things so he wouldn’t have to worry about me starting an argument or trashing the house or anything, and he did not respond — I can’t be sure whether he got the message or not, though. So now I’m in limbo and miserable. He was just talking about wanting to drink less and now he’s been out late every night this week. I’ve been told he hasn’t done anything with anyone or even really been talking to girls, so idk what to think about that. If we really are done I don’t really know what to do with myself. I don’t have a lot of close friends. I’m out of a job. Intimacy, love, comfort. So many things we shared together, now they remind me of him so they make me sad. I’m lost.
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