mamavk86 Member Profile

...See more Sorry if this is long. I've really been struggling lately. I haven't had the best relationships in life. My dad was never really part of our life, we saw him once a year up until middle/high school age and then it went years before we would see/hear from him. My step-dad met my mom when I was in middle school, married while I was a sophomore in high school, and left her when I was about 29 (I'm 34 now). It was a horrible break-up and he's in prison out of state now. My daughter's father left us when she was about 5 months and played games for years. He then disappeared, choosing drugs, for about 3 years before coming back and saying "I'm sober". My son's father said he wanted all these things together and then after I bought a house in town (to be closer to his new business) he got pissed, left, and just decided "I'm not in love" anymore - that was about 4 years ago. I try to disconnect my feelings of the relationship from them so I can still coparent but it's hard. My son's father would constantly cut me down and say how ugly, worthless, fat, fake, etc. I am. I have really started to believe I'm messed up in the head and that no one will love me. My daughter's father has never made it a point to be part of her life, always putting himself and his wants first. He now has a girlfriend who has two kids. He is there for them when he's never been there for our daughter. He recently got engaged. I know it shouldn't bother me but it hurts. It hurts that every man has walked out and I've never been good enough, not for my dad to stay and not for my kid's dad's to stay. I want a relationship of love, someone to share life with, someone to build a home with, someone to show my kids a stable relationship. I want that family unit for them, what I didn't have growing up. How do I let go of the hurt they've done, forgive for myself to heal, and move forward. I know finding someone won't fix what I'm going through, I have to heal on my own. I know no one can do the work for me. I guess I'm wondering if anyone else has been here before and just looking for encouragement that you can be happy again, you can find love again, you can find hope again, you can find whatever it is I need again. Thank you in advance for responding if you do.

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