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matchamews
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2025 Member sinceApril 7, 2025
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Searching for Closure After Losing a Friend of 10+ Years
Friendship Support / by matchamews
Last post
 April 29th, 2025
...See more Hello, I recently had a falling out with a supposed best friend of 10+ years and am searching for closure. Here is an explanation of the situation: In Janurary of this year, I  went out clubbing with my boyfriend and an ex-friend. When we arrived, my boyfriend had asked my ex-friend if she had an edible, and she gave him one. He consumed half of it, usually less than what he usually takes because he is attentive of us. He would normally eat a whole edible, sometimes even two. My friend and I pregamed as usual and went into the club. About 30 minutes later, my boyfriend said he needed to go to the bathroom. About a half and hour passed and he never came back, so we started calling and texting him and eventually went looking for him. We found him semi-conscious and very sick in a bathroom stall. He asked to be left alone to throw up and said he’d be okay. At that point, my ex-friend began to panic about how we were going to get him home and started texting her boyfriend. I had introduced the two of them, and at the time of this incident, they had only been dating for about two months. He was not supportive and essentially blamed her for the situation. He said this was the "consequences of our actions" and he began screenshotting their conversation. She started crying and told me she "hates when he gets like this." I tried to help her communicate with him but realized it was no use, so I reached out to a separate friend who agreed to pick us up. Meanwhile, the club’s security saw that my boyfriend was not doing well and gave him water. Eventually, he made it outside on his own and continued throwing up. I checked in with him and he told me to go back in and enjoy the night, so I tried to relax a bit while waiting for our ride. During that time, my ex-friend didn’t say anything supportive and just stayed cold and distant. I will admit I got upset in the heat of moment and called her a ***, but instantly apologized because I realized she was probably hurt over her boyfriend's actions. Once our ride arrived, we left. My boyfriend threw up a bit more, but after getting food he started to feel much better. We made sure he didn’t drive and that everyone got home safely. On the way home, my ex-friend said she was canceling all her birthday plans (her b-day was the following weekend), including with her boyfriend, and didn’t want to celebrate anymore. The next day, I sent a message to both of them apologizing if I had said or done anything wrong while drunk and expressed how glad I was that we made safe choices. My boyfriend responded, took accountability, and we worked through it. My ex-friend, however, ghosted me and never responded. She remained active on social media the whole time but ignored me. Her boyfriend reached out to me asking if I had heard from her, which I didn't, but I told him I would let him know. About two days later, she finally replied saying she didn’t think things between the three of us would ever be the same. She claimed she felt alone that night, had to be responsible for getting us home, and said she no longer wanted a friendship with my boyfriend because he had called her toxic. He did admit that he texted her multiple times, worried for her, and he did call her toxic for refusing to at least let us know that she was there. I responded respectfully, pointing out that I had actually arranged the ride home, and her boyfriend hadn’t been concerned for our safety. I also said that if she needed space, she could’ve just said that instead of ignoring me. She responded with a short, dismissive message and never followed up. I later reached out wishing her a happy birthday in hopes that maybe we could try to patch things up. She replied with a short “thank you,” and has continued to ghost me since then. She’s been active and went on to celebrate her birthday with her boyfriend, despite previously saying she wouldn’t be doing anything. She’s made zero effort to reconnect or talk things out, yet seemed to have instantly taken him back and was willing to work through their issues. On a side note, I have a friend who owns a dispensary and strongly believes my boyfriend’s reaction was due to being laced, especially given how extreme it was in comparison to his usual tolerance. I don't really want to believe this was the reality and sadly we'll never know. All we know is that her boyfriend had given her said edible and she claimed it was from a dispensary. I’m still deeply hurt by the situation and am just trying to find closure since it's evident she won't be providing it. Her and I have gone through a lot together, and it hurts knowing that she's willing to throw it all away yet accept a man she's barley known. It is her first relationship so I kinda understand but I'm still hurt. I started to reflect on the way she had been treating me and I feel like there may have been signs. When she started dating him, she would take him to go do plans her and I made. I would always beg her to play video games with me, yet she'd go offline mode and play with him. I even made a "joke" about feeling replaced and she kinda ignored it. I've spoken to many friends about the incident and many just tell me she was/is a *** friend and to move on. But I guess it hurts knowing someone who I wanted to be in my life forever would do this to me. If you've read this far, thank you.
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