Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today
metanoicbloom
1 303 M Embraced 2
PathStep 30 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceSeptember 5, 2024
Bio
Recent forum posts
metanoicbloom profile picture
I love him but I miss being single
Relationship Stress / by metanoicbloom
Last post
 November 4th, 2024
...See more I know that I sound horrible from the title, but have been struggling so much the past 3/4 months with thoughts of wanting to be single. My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year now and I really do love him. Our personalities work together so well and he is so easy to talk to. But I can't help but have these awful intrusive thoughts of wanting to be single. I miss the thrill of being 16-18 when I would casually flirt with people, the silly little dates I would go on, the nerves of meeting someone for the first time, or even the thrill of meeting up with someone knowing full well that we were going to sleep together. I don't miss anyone in particular, I just miss all those feelings and nerves. I don't feel bored of my boyfriend, but I just feel bored of not being able to do any of that. Before any of you ask, no I have not and will not ever cheat. Although I have these thoughts, I would never act upon them unless I was actually single. Instead, I have to live vicariously through my friends or through books and movies. But it just isn't satisfying my feelings. It's as if I desperately crave the freedom and unknown of being single. I'm starting to fear that maybe I love him, but I'm not in love with him. Maybe the media glorifies true love too much, but I don't feel that same infatuation that is described in movies and books. We are a medium distance relationship, living 5 hours away from one another, so I'm not sure if it's just that I only see him every other month, but even so, I don't miss him how I should miss him. I want to see him, of course, but I never sit around and MISS him. I don't feel that at all. Sometimes if my insomnia is really bad one night, then I'll miss having him stroke my hair or scratch my back, but it's more so that I miss him doing that rather than missing him. I'm always excited when we have a date set to see eachother, and I'm happy in his presence, but I just don't know if that's enough, if maybe there should be more to it than just enjoying his company every now and then. All of these feelings about wanting to be single and my feelings towards him in general make me think that maybe I'm just not cutout for relationships. I can't imagine myself being deeply in love with someone. I just don't think my brain is wired to love someone so intensely and for so long. I just don't know what to do. I don't know if this is a sign to break up with him, or if this is just me getting in my own head. I would be very upset to break up with him, however I would also be free again. I would have my independence back, something which I have been craving for months now. Any advice would be really wonderful, thank you so much for taking the time to read through this.
metanoicbloom profile picture
midwest emo?
Music & Dance / by metanoicbloom
Last post
 June 4th, 2025
...See more hi everyone! i'm a MASSIVE midwest emo fan and I was just wondering if anyone else was into that genre too? if not, i highly recommend it and would be so happy to provide you with recommendations based on your taste ☺️
metanoicbloom profile picture
Is this Celebrity Worship Syndrome?
Addiction Support / by metanoicbloom
Last post
 September 16th, 2024
...See more I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year now and everything has been going so well for us, but he has picked up on a few things that he thinks I may need to get help with; my delusions for famous celebrities. When he first mentioned it a few months ago, we both laughed it off, I feel I'm fairly aware that my delusions are simply that; delusions. However, more recently, he sat me down to have a chat about how he thinks it may be escalating further than just a simple celebrity crush. I've studied psychology since I was 17 (3 years) and I remember learning about parasocial relationships in school, vividly recalling the time my friends and I joked about us being the reason for the proposal of parasocial relationship theories. But, now that my boyfriend has mentioned this, I find myself going back to then and wondering if I actually may be experiencing a parasocial relationship, specifically Celebrity Worship Syndrome (CWS). I won't divulge into the details of CWS here, so please look it up if you are unaware and curious, but I would just like some guidance on if people think I may be somewhere within the CWS spectrum and, if so, if it is severe enough for me to be encouraged to seek professional help: I've always had a thing for different celebrities for as long as I can remember and I know my obsessions used to be much worse, especially during lockdown (which I believe was down to me being 15/16 and chronically online during this time). I can remember so many times where I would think 'I will never be happy or satisfied with my life unless I am sharing it with this celebrity' or 'I don't think I will ever meet someone that could compare to this person'. At that time, I hadn't been in a relationship and was very inexperienced in dating, so of course I would daydream and obsess over celebrities because who else did I have? Overtime, as I started to mature and casually date people, my obsessions with celebrities mellowed, but never completely went away. I should probably give some context here, but I am massively into music. It is probably my favourite and most effective coping mechanism for my depression and anxiety. I feel such a strong connection to music, and so I suppose that has festered into me feeling attraction for the musicians that create some of my favourite albums. Since being 15/16, although my obsessions have mellowed, they definitely peak after I've been to a concert or festival and seen them there. More recently, I went to a festival and saw a band that I have been wanting to see for years. As I've mentioned before, I've expressed to my boyfriend about my attraction to the musician in this band, but it has definitely escalated since I saw them live. I daydream about them more often than I would like to admit, I create up fantasy scenarios around this person when going to sleep, I google about their life from childhood to now, I watch any and all interviews that I can find online (all of which take me back to my younger years of obsessive love for celebrities). But, the thing that has pushed my boyfriend over the edge is when I had expressed that I thought if I ever met this celebrity on the street, I think they would fall in love with me. I told my boyfriend that this celebrity would not see me as a fan and would be attracted to my personality and looks. I said it kind of as a joke, as I know how unlikely it is I will ever meet this person and I know that this is what I've created in my head, but at the same time, I do genuinely believe that if the very unlikely came true, it is possible that they would find me attractive. My boyfriend didn't express it to me at the time, but he has since told me that it hurts him that I have these feelings for people that aren't even in my life. I didn't mean for it to hurt him, and he knows I would never leave him for a musician as I have fallen in love with him, I haven't fallen in love with the celebrity. However, I can understand why it must be so hard for him to hear me talking about another person in this way. It isn't affecting our relationship in the way that he would leave me over this, but as you can probably guess, it is still having a negative impact on our bond. I don't want to hurt him and I don't mean for this to hurt him because I am truly in love with him, I just cannot help but have these delusions sometimes. I have the option of not sharing my thoughts with him, but sometimes he prompts a conversation to do with said celebrity and I just end up spiralling and wanting to keep talking about them. I don't know what to do anymore and I don't know if this is something that I can work through myself, or if I should seek help for this type of addictive/obsessive disorder (if I even have CWS in the first place). I'm currently on a waitlist for PTSD therapy, but I'm wondering if, at this point, I should call them and ask them if there's anyway I could be seen sooner since this, on top of my anxiety and depression, is getting worse and interfering with my life. Any help and advice would be really amazing, thank you so much if you took the time to read through my very very long thread!
Search more from @metanoicbloom
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
9 total badges
Hand Shake First Post Reaching out First Compassion Bundled Teammate Group Friend Forum Friend Hang 10
Report an issue
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
Feel better with online therapy Professional, confidential and affordable. Start today