Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
michaelR860
713 M Little Steps
trying
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts77 Forum posts27 Forum upvotes39 Current upvotes39 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceJuly 21, 2023
Bio

Hello,

My name is Michael. I am someone who suffers from PSTD from high school trauma and Schizophrenia / Bipolar disorder. I am here to find a supportive group of people who understand what it's like to live like this. Some of the things I like to do for fun is play video games, watch movies TV, and listen to books. Right now, I am playing Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom. The movies and TV shows I watch are somewhat unusual. I choose to watch anime, the way the stories are presented resonate more with me than other media forms. Currently re-watching some favorites like Ah! My Goddess!

Thank you for looking at my profile, and I hope to talk to you here.

😊






Recent forum posts
michaelR860 profile picture
Going back to therapy
Trauma Support / by michaelR860
Last post
 January 13th, 2024
...See more I am going back to therapy and looking forward to finding new ways to handle my issues. With any luck, this will be the year I finally pick up the pieces and turn things around.
michaelR860 profile picture
Victim of verbal abuse
Trauma Support / by michaelR860
Last post
 January 6th, 2024
...See more It's something I live with. I know I'll never most past it. In high school, I had a group of so-called friends who turned on me, persecuted, and ostracized me. Every day when I went to school, the person I trusted the most made this move. It affected me in way people do not fully understand or care to understand.  It was during this time that I was developing schizophrenia as well. So, on top of having a bunch of new scary things happening to me, I had to deal with bullying as well. It may not seem like a big deal, but I think each situation fed off one another. It didn't help that this same group of people tracked me down in my early 20s and got in my face and started a fight. I think about to this day, and when I do, I get violently angry, because I did nothing when it happened. I tried to get therapy for this, but nothing helps. I keep replaying and reliving what happened in high school over and over. When I am outside, I am hyper-vigilant. I can't focus on anything except for what people might say about me. I lash out because I don't want to be put back in that situation again. I don't want to feel helpless....like everyone either verbally hitting me or is egging strangers on to do the same.  I developed anger issues because of this, and all I want is retribution at any cost. I know I would have had schizophrenia anyway, but I 100% blame them, rightfully, for my violence tendencies and PTSD. I hate those people for what they did to me, and it pisses me off they get to lead normal lives and crapping on mine. It's not right, but I wish they could taste some of the medicine they dished out to me. I'm sorry if this is against policy, but I needed to get this out. 
michaelR860 profile picture
I don't know what to do 🥲
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by michaelR860
Last post
 November 3rd, 2023
...See more ***TRIGGER WARNING*** Please skip this one if you are going through a hard time or you are sensitive to reading about common mental health outcomes and issues.   ------------ Lately, life has been very uncomfortable. From the outside looking in, people would tell me I have no room to complain. I have a loving mother and niece and sister, and I am surround by material things that should make life better. The fact is it doesn't. Things are better, my symptoms are better, and sometime I am happy to be living. 🙂. Even though I have modern comfort, I am tore up on the inside. When I go out, I think complete strangers are talking about me. I have severe anxiety thanks to everything that happened to me during my highschool years. I always, always, feel threatened. I never feel safe. Not at home, not at work, not around family. I feel there is always someone watching me. I recently had to go to the hospital and I feel the staff there purposely tried to aggravate my symptoms at night. It was *** from beginning to end. Because of my illness, I have a hard time connecting with people, expressing myself verbally, and trusting people enough to talk to them. I feel very alone, and in someways, the idea of people watching me helps me cope. When I feel triggered, I speak out loud. I say ridiculous and often personal things. I feel I have to justify the fact that they've supposedly exposed my weaknesses and shortcomings>  I go to unhealthy chatrooms looking for companionship. Often I am put down, and I am so messed up that, once they go in on me, I am Lazer focused on it and cannot leave my computer. I've spent a lot of time reading and remembering all the lies and insults they wrote. I even quote them because I think they predict the future. I do all of this because I am often isolated from people with the door closed in my room. I don't trust them, and I wish I had someone to talk to that's not my mom or sister. If anyone tries to talk to me in person, I think about why they're doing it. In fact, a co-worker disclosed personal information to me, and my first thought was he is trying to get more information to use against me. I feel I will always be alone, and I honestly don't know how long I can tolerate that. Mix that with the physical pain of depression and I hope you realize that I am not lucky and I don't have it good. I have things, but I can't enjoy them, not by myself fully and definitely not with people. I am incapable of fixing these issues. I used to have faith in God, but that is slipping. I feel the church I attend doesn't want me there; not only that, I've prayed and prayed and prayed for relief and it never comes. I prayed for people in my life, but I am still alone. The only comfort I feel lately is one day, it will all end, and ceasing to exist is better than what I am feeling right at this second. I'm not looking for pity, I am looking for help. I don't know how to fix this.
Search more from @michaelR860
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
15 total badges
First Community First Post Hand Shake Debuted Reaching out Helping out Appreciated Voice Contributor First Compassion Helpful heart Bundled Group Chimer Member Oath Group Friend Forum Friend
Report an issue