midnightselenite Member Profile

...See more i (26F) met someone (28M) a few months back at a day party through our mutual buddy. he had been flirty when we met and over socials for a few months, and we eventually planned to hang out. i've been meaning to meet people in real life, and not wanting to rely on apps, so this was refreshing to me. when we met again, we spent several hours together and had a really good time with each other overall. out of all of the guys i'm dating, our conversation was the most natural. we also had the most in common. after being out and about, we ended up at his place. i genuinely thought we were going to hang out and watch movies because we had been talking about films quite a bit. things escalated physically. i was suprised & caught off guard. i was okay with most of the hookup, but i wasn't okay with going past a certain point. i didn't verbalize everything in the moment but i did tell him when i felt like we were going too far. it's like he would make a move in one way, i was okay with most of it but would have to stop him, we would go back to the baseline, he would progress, i would stop him, baseline, going further, stopping etc. one big cycle. i feel like an idiot for staying even though i really was enjoying spending time with him outside of those sole moments. it felt intimate because i was starting to like him, and the hookup was mostly enjoyable until i got anxious. i felt anxious because it was our first real time hanging out and i felt embarrassed about going too far. that guilt took me out of the moment and made me not feel present at times. we took breaks to watch movies and then when he started again i got too overwhelmed and decided to leave. he didn't react negatively, just wanted to know what was going on. i told him i didn't really know because that's how i felt at the time. he helped me calm down, called me a car and ask that i talk to him later to talk through how the night ended. he also suggested being just friends, but mentioned that he was open to seeing what comes out of this. we talked on the phone and i told him how the hookup caught me off guard. he said he didn't interpret me being caught off guard as a bad thing, hence him not communicating and continuing to make moves on me throughout the night. he said he didn't want to pressure me into doing something i didn't want to do. i mentioned how it was all against my better judgement and specifically said i hadn't dated in a while (3 yrs) and he questioned whether it was really a date in my mind. i was honestly hurt by that but played it off. he mentioned that even though he had fun with me when we hung out, he had just got out of a relationship around the time that he met me and wasn't looking to jump into another one, but that he really wanted to stay friends. i don't even know how to feel because i have no idea what just happened. i was honestly hurt by the "this wasn't a date" thing because i didn't even think of him in a romantic way at first. i found him attractive, but i'm oblivious so i only picked up that he was interested in me after months of staying in touch. i even asked him if he was flirting with me when he first met me on that same phone call and he wholeheartedly agreed, saying he found me attractive. so in summary he went from chasing for months to fuckzoning and then friendzoning? i can understand friendzoning if you never found someone attractive, but he admitted that he did. i get FWBs when you only find someone sexually attractive but are not attracted to their personality, but he repeatedly said he wanted to be friends and is carrying on as if we are (still checking in and casually carrying on with conversation). would love to get all genders' take on this

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