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miillktea
1,070 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 63 Compassion hearts147 Forum posts75 Forum upvotes111 Current upvotes111 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2022 Member sinceApril 6, 2022
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One day depression
Depression Support / by miillktea
Last post
 May 4th, 2022
...See more The title might be a bit weird, but let me explain. I think most of us who struggle with depressive episodes have had to deal with those days in one way or another before, so I was wondering if anyone had tips on how to cope with them? Whenever I come out of a big (or small) depressive episode I start to pick up with life slowly again and try to move on. Thankfully my episodes don't last as long anymore as they used to, which shows me that most of my coping mechanisms and therapy assignments are working, but they still happen. Then, when life starts back up and I start having more and more days where I feel okay again, there are those days in between where suddenly everything feels dull again and you feel helpless and wonder how you're supposed to live like this for the rest of your life, always having bursts of sadness and depression in between. And usually I KNOW that it's just one day. It might also be two or three days, but a lot of times I go to bed in the evening and am back to feeling okay by morning. But those days where you suddenly feel depressed are worse with how much healing you get (in my experience). You kind of sit there like "I was happy and having fun yesterday, why am I back in this sad place again" and the next moment you fear that this might not be just another day but that your depression is back fully and you'll have to wake up again feeling sad. Which, like I said, you in theory know is not true since the time span from depressive episode to depressive episode starts growing and growing with effort spend in healing, but depression still makes you think it could be true. So on these little days of depression, when you're so easy to get triggered, when you are so scared that everything might come back right when you felt happiness come back into your life again, what can you do to cope? Because honestly I don't know how to deal with these days. I spend them mostly staring at the clock, hoping that the evening comes and the morning will bring back the okay feelings that I fought so hard for to have. But that makes me feel worse, since I'm just letting time pass by or don't do anything to make myself feel better or prevent another depressive relapse.
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Ways to fill up the battery in the evening?
Work & Career / by miillktea
Last post
 October 24th, 2022
...See more Hi! How is everyone doing? 🤗 I'm currently in a very exhausting situation because I'm working more now than I'm used to. And while I know that I'm mostly just exhausted because I'm not used to it yet and that it will get better in a week or two, I'm constantly exhausted in the afternoon and it's making me frustrated. I usually have free time after 4 or 5pm (sometimes even earlier), so still a few hours of the day, but I end up spending my time on the couch trying to avoid all kind of sensory input. I started to "force" myself to have some fun and see a friend outside of working at least once a week for a few hours. Before we meet I'm actually really dreading it, but once we're together I feel more relaxed. You probably know how that feels. Now I finally wanted to actually find a "recharge" routine for myself, so I can get out of that high tension, low energy situation; just to figure out I have zero clue what to do to recharge. Has anyone some tips and tricks? What do you mostly do after a hard day at work?
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Codependent friend?
Anxiety Support / by miillktea
Last post
 May 18th, 2022
...See more Hi, I hope all of you are doing well? My anxiety, especially around my phone, is skyrocketing currently. I have a friend, which I'm close to for about 10 years already and I really love her dearly, but currently I feel like she is starting to depend on me too much. She isn't mentally healthy, just like me, and has started therapy for a while as well, so I was kind of hoping it would start to slow down a bit now that she has support from the outside too. Sadly I was wrong. Now, don't get me wrong, I think it's absolutely fine for friends to depend on eachother and I have a lot of friends who come to me to talk about their problems (They know I won't judge them since I have a lot of problems myself). But with her I feel like I'm starting to constantly just listen to her problems, calm her down and give her (asked) advice (which she doesn't follow - why ask in the first place...). I don't really have the normal type of friendship with her anymore. We don't just hang out to have fun but instead always discuss some kind of problem. I can rely on her as well and I sometimes do, but I try to keep it on a level to not burden someone and I feel like she doesn't have that boundary anymore around me. My screentime has gone through the roof because I'm expected to answer when there's something going on or when she's alone after work and needs distraction. If I say something along the lines of "Sorry, I don't feel like texting right now" it's usually met with any form of "It's okay. I'm used to being alone at this point" - maybe not in those words, but the meaning is always the same. Which obviously makes me grab my phone more than I want to, to keep her from being alone. I have a lot of struggles I'm dealing with myself. Especially currently where I'm working really hard on breaking all my bad habits formed by mental illness, to start making bigger steps in healing. So my energy levels are usually really low at the end of the day from all that internal work I have to do. Seeing her messages pop up makes me even more exhausted currently. I honestly don't like it. She's a nice person and a good friend (when her mental health is fine), but I just don't feel comfortable with that "personal therapist and companion" role she's putting me in. I haven't even given my ex boyfriend as much attention as she's demanding from me. And I'm really tired of always having to listen to negative things only. I'm training myself to be more optimistic (in a realistic kinda way) but I have to listen to negative self talk from her all the time. It doesn't make it easier on myself. I'm kind of lost on this one. I don't know how to handle this situation without breaking the friendship. There's a reason we've been friends for 10 years and I actually really like her. It's just getting too much. I have anxiety bursts whenever my phone shows a new message notification. Has anyone else been in a situation like this? Do you have any tips on how I could handle it? I'm someone who likes to talk things out, but I can't really handle the way she reacts to me putting my phone away already, so I feel like talking about that personally isn't an option I can deal with right now (especially since, like I said, I already have so much I'm working through myself right now and have barely any energy left at the end of the day). Thanks for reading all of that. It's a long post, I know.
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Time goes by slowly but runs the next second
Depression Support / by miillktea
Last post
 April 24th, 2022
...See more Hi! I've been a bit stuck thinking today. I guess that's the weekend effect when you don't have anything planned. After cleaning the house and watching a movie, I've run out of things to keep me occupied with today, which made me think it should be evening already, but it isn't. Instead there are still quite a few hours in the day. It's one of those days that feel like they go on and on. So I've been thinking about how a lot of times I feel like time won't pass by, but thinking back to the past few years, I feel like they barely happened. Even the past few month, since the new year, have me surprised. It shouldn't be nearly may already. I kind of often find myself in this weird thing in-between. My days go by incredibly slowly (if I don't have something to do) but my month and years pass by as fast as lightning. And all that's left is me sitting on the couch wondering what I even did in that time. In theory I know that I spend january studying, february working on a presentation and march and april pulling myself out of my depressive episode that started in december (and am still continuing to do so), but it doesn't feel like I actually used time for that. Time is a pretty hard concept for me to grasp and I was wondering if any of you have been through it as well? Especially the feeling that in one moment time is running so fast you're afraid life passes by without you noticing and in the next moment having so much time you don't know how to fill it. How do you handle that? Because I've been overthinking it for the past hour and have yet to find an answer to it. I hope your sunday won't feel as blue as mine! Remember to rest and take it easy before the new week starts.
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Coping with setbacks?
Anxiety Support / by miillktea
Last post
 April 18th, 2022
...See more I'm forced into a kind of exposure therapy for my social anxiety since tomorrow university starts back up in person (the first time really since the coronavirus happened). While I'm incredibly thankful for the fact that I now HAVE to face my fears and get back out again, I'm also incredibly scared. So so so scared. I have successfully worked myself up to going grocery shopping and taking walks around the block again over the past few month since 2022 started. I still have occasional panic attacks while doing that but they happen less and less. But tomorrow (and the days afterwards) will include facing 3 of my fears. First walking to the bus stop, which requires me passing a crossroad where I passed out once and since then have a terrible fear of it happening again and having to rely on strangers to help me. Secondly getting on the bus, which will take me away from my comfort place with a whole lot of strangers sitting in it as well. And thirdly sitting through class. Neither of those fears have I faced more than once or twice for the past few month. So they're extremely big. I already managed to confine into a friend of mine who luckily shares my first class and will collect me from the bus stop at university and will bring me back there after class, but that will only help if I manage to get through the first and second fear. While I do want to do this and push myself to at least get to the bus stop and drive the bus for at least one stop, I also know fully well that I'll beat myself up over it if I only manage one stop and not manage the full way to university (We don't have attendance control. It doesn't matter if we actually show up for class or not as long as we're able to take our exams at the end of it). So my question towards you guys now would be: how do you handle these situations? Where you do try, but end up failing the big goal? I want to be compassionate with myself if I don't manage the whole thing and be proud of myself for at least trying and taking the bus at all. Especially since I'll have to try again and again over the next few weeks until I finally manage to do it. But the mean voice in my head is always a bit louder than the nice voice 😅 so does anyone have some tips for me? Or at least has been in a similar situation so I don't feel too alone with it?
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Little celebration dance
Eating Disorder Support / by miillktea
Last post
 April 17th, 2022
...See more Hi! I just realized that I'm a little over 4 month (+2 days) clean of restricting today! I don't really have too many people around who I can tell that and not get a "but..." comment afterwards, so I thought I'd share it here. 🎉 Obviously I still struggle a lot of days and have some where it's really hard, but I'm incredibly proud of myself to say that I haven't skipped a single meal in those four month. Despite all my fears recovery is a path I'm glad I chose. I hope that all of you are doing well and get to have a little celebration over your small and big wins as well!
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