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mindy14
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2020 Member sinceJune 26, 2020
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BF Hurt By Intimacy Rejection Need Advice
Relationship Stress / by mindy14
Last post
 June 27th, 2020
...See more Hi, everyone. I would like some advice if you all have time. No, it's not about "getting fresh". It was more of a spooning/kissing thing. For more reference, our relationship is on the rocks -- 100% me, 0%him, no jokes. He has given me 6 months to get my act together, or he's leaving me to move out of state. I will either be going with him at that time or not. Despite this, our intimacy is doing just fine -- now for what happened. We were getting ready for a nap because he only got 5 hours of sleep and I was tired when he woke and couldn't go back to bed myself. So, he gets in the bed and starts being playful. But he pretends to be someone else -- an old man who likes me. I hate when he does this, it's a turn off to me but I never deny his advances. I have told him I don't like when he tries to hug me or kiss me playing these roles (we've been together for 5.5 years). I know it's my fault since I am playful when I say it, and whenever we talk about intimacy, I haven't flat out told him not to do this. I digress, he's playing around, and when he does this he doesn't kiss or hold me the same way, and I am a very visual person. For me, it's like it is actually someone else because it's not a familiar feeling. I was sexually abused as a child, he knows this, but I never put 2 and 2 together until today, as far as why I was uncomfortable. Long story, short, I stopped play resisting, and eventually, he just stopped trying. At first, I thought he was okay since he asked me to go get him a drink. Then later when we finally got ready to sleep, I put my arm around him and he moved it away. At that point, I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't talk to me. I told him I never say no to him or that I'm not in the mood, EVER. I know how he feels about sexual rejection, so if he's willing, I'm for that. He will sometimes play like he was at first, but then gets serious, and when he is, I'm there. He didn't this time. I told him I thought he was just playing and that I was sorry if I made him feel rejected. I also told him, if that's what he wanted, I was willing then, just not with role-playing. He told me he didn't want to talk about it and that I should do whatever I wanted. I told him I wanted to be there with him and he told me he didn't want to be in the same bed as me. I asked him if this was a time where he wanted me to respect his wishes, and he said, "Just go work." So I got dressed, after which he told me what he needed me to set up in the room. I left him to sleep, hoping maybe I could talk to him about it later. I let him know I would talk to him later. Throughout the rest of the day, he just told me what he needed via text but never verbally said anything to me. I gave him his space. After some hours passed, he sent me this: "I dont want to talk about it. Theres no way you dont know what the problem was. Its happened before the same way. Youre going to make up for today tomorrow. Thats why I told you to work And youre going to know today cost you ALOT in my eyes as far as the future with us goes. Mark it down on the list of events. Learn from it or burn from it. 6 months." I know his words may seem harsh, but trust I deserved it. I have lied a lot so I understand why he doesn't believe me when I told him I wasn't rejecting him. I just don't know what to do other than what he asked. Just not talking about it, and not doing the same thing next time. Obviously I hurt him, and I know. was wrong for not telling him sooner and more seriously that if we're being intimate, that's all it needs to be, no joking and no games. Any advice you guys could give me is much appreciated. I am sorry I wrote so much. Those words just really hit me hard: "And youre going to know today cost you ALOT in my eyes as far as the future with us goes." I have done so not so great things in our relationship (lying to him, lies by omission, being irresponsible with my money, stressing him out by making poor/informed decisions, and procrastinating) and things I thought would make him say that, but he didn't. For him to say that to me for something like this that has happened 2 or 3 times in the past 2 years out of 5.5 years of knowing me... I feel both deeply bothered and hurt for both of us.
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