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I completely forgot about 7cups for several years, until it just suddenly came to mind today.
I went back and read some of my old posts from 2019 and 2020 on this forum, and like, wow... I wrote about things that I almost forgot happened! I talked about my anxiety, my friend problems, school issues, and then how I was in therapy, and then how I was doing afterwards, and I sorta laughed because I was like "Haha, that girl didn't know what was about to hit her!".
The last few times I posted, I always highlighted how important it was to reach out if it's safe to do so, and I 100% stand by that point. I've been in therapy again since my last posts, as I started struggling again with anxiety and depression, and I can't thank that therapist enough for what she did for me back then... She helped me as I came clean about some rough situations I was in when I was younger despite not being trained in trauma, she helped me through police proceedings, attended meetings with my school, and she helped refer me for Autism and ADHD testing (ADHD got declined 'cause of my teacher marking me down, and still on the NHS Autism waiting list, but ended up being lucky enough to go private and now have my diagnosis of Autism (as well as that psychiatrist telling me I most likely have ADHD too)).
Mental health support is so SO important, I wouldn't be typing this message without the help I received, especially from that 2nd therapist, but also, this forum and it's members did really help too, as it gave me an outlet to vent and talk about my life without judgement.
Main reason I wanted to make this post though is because I wanted to share the difference between then and now, and how life always gets better, it just takes a butt load of time sometimes. Despite not posting during this time, in 2021-2022 (when I was 15/16), I was at my WORST, like, really bad, mainly due to anxiety, but also depression, ptsd, and other issues. I thought I wasn't going to make it to the end of high school, I thought I was going to fail all my GCSEs, and that I wouldn't be able to go to college, and I'd never have a lot of friends that truly got me, and so on. My attendance at high school was below 60%, and the only reason it wasn't lower was because my parents were being threatened with fines. I had given up in life.
Well, things changed, slowly... I managed to finish high school, and somehow managed to pass my GCSEs, not with as good of grades as I probably could've gotten, but really good for my wellbeing at the time. I ended up going to college and started on A-Levels, Psychology , Accounting, and Business... BIG MISTAKE. Omg I hated A-Levels, exams after exams, my grades dropped from A's to D's and U's, except in Business where I was scraping C's, my mental health took a massive hit, and my anxiety came back 10x worse, especially because at the time my mum started having really bad health issues (strokes, heart issues, potentially a heart attack at one point), overall, even despite my mum's health issues worsening the already horrible time I was having, taking A-Level was the worse choice ever... but, I did meet some new people, one of which invited me to her parties (like, proper college parties, iykyk), which becomes important in a second. I ended up taking a big leap, even though it took me a lot of convincing to get my parents onboard, and I dropped out of college in February of my first year.
Again, I thought life was over, but I did have some plans to go back in September and do a BTEC in Business, and I would use this extended holiday time to work on myself... so, I did. I kept attending parties, and made friends, not massively close, but close, and started getting invited to their parties. There was a guy who was also attending these parties... and, well, we started dating in April of 2023, just 2 months after I dropped out. I don't know what he saw in me, he was doing an IT college apprenticeship and was doing really well, and I was just a girl who dropped out of college who didn't really know what they wanted in life lol, but, he stayed by my side, and supported me, even though his parents didn't approve at first (still don't know if they do lol).
I started college again, managing to get into the same one I had dropped out of, which was lucky because it's a really well ranked college, and I did BTEC Business. I wasn't enjoying it at first, education is just not easy when you're mentally still recovering and you're neurodiverse but not yet diagnosed. My boyfriend supported me though, and even when I was questioning whether to drop out and try and get an apprenticeship like him, he supported whatever actions I took. I lost my closest friends at this point that I had held onto since high school, as they kinda started leaving me out of things and treating me poorly, which I'm happy I got away from to be honest, but I didn't really have anyone except my boyfriend and the people I went partying with but otherwise wasn't too close with. I felt very isolated, but I did have one friend at college I had made in my class early on who switched to another course but still met up with me at lunch, which was nice. In December of 2023, something absolutely amazing happened... I GOT ENGAGEDDD!!! Yes, I know, very early on and very young, but, it's just a promise at the end of the day, it's nothing legally binding, it just shows commitment in my eyes. My fiancé continued to support me, and after my first exams in January of 2024, I decided to stay committed to my college course, as I made a few more friends in my class and got good results in my first exams. I finished the first year with the top score in my class, and I was over the moon!!! I was still dealing with some anxiety, mainly general over social, but I was coping a lot better with the support of my fiancé and my classmates. Second year started, and I started attending this LGBTQ club at my college... and I think I've made my forever friends, a group of about 7 people, all queer, all neurodiverse, all as weird as I am!!! These are the first people despite my fiancé who I could actually, TRULY, be myself around, completely unfiltered, completely unmasked. I have also become chronically ill at this time, now having to use a cane and having to take things a lot slower, but my friends actually support me, they don't judge me for not being able to come out or go places or do certain things, and still invite me even if they think I'm not well because they actually wanna show that they care!!! Meeting these people, best thing that's ever happened to me, it makes me smile so much just writing about them, because they're actually awesome people.
I'm at the end of college now, got loads of overdue assignments I have to get in by next week (I missed a lot of college because of my chronic illness), and the anxiety is still there, especially right now with all this work, but, I still feel a lot more calmer than I have in situations like this before... I'm still happy and able to stay positive.
I think the main things that has helped is having those friends and people around me, my fiancé, my party friends, my classmates, and now my current friend group. I still have all of them in my life in some way (my party friend group has recently had a massive split, so not all of them, but I've managed to keep my closest in that group so I don't mind that), and I see all of them regularly. I’m predicted a D*DD, potentially a D*D*D in my BTEC (D standing for distinction), and my plans after college are to move in with my fiancé as he already owns his own place, and to get some form of part time job while I work on my health. Despite my health, and the current stress of ending college, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been. I’ve found people who like me for me, and support me, and in turn I’ve found myself. It took a lot of risks, like dropping out and also standing up for myself against my parents, bad friends, and bad teachers (that’s a whole other story). My anxiety is, and will always be there, but with my support group, it makes it a lot easier to cope with. I love my friends… and I love my life.
If you are struggling right now, things can change in a heartbeat. It’s so hard to imagine the future, or think the worst is going to happen, especially when spiralling with anxiety-fuelled thoughts and self-doubt, but, one day, it may take months or years, but one day you’ll suddenly sit there and think “Wow… I’m okay… life’s actually pretty good right now.” And you’ll struggle to remember what you felt like before.
This is a big ramble and I’m sorry if I repeated myself or made any spelling error or anything like that, I’m just shocked at how far I’ve come, and I’m proud of myself and wanted to share with others so you all know that life can always change for the better. I’m probably going to become a listener on here after I end college (not sure how it works lol), I want to be there for others, as I love helping people.
Take care everyone, remember, tomorrow is a new day, and that day could be the day that changes your life for the better, so just hold in there.
You’re loved, you’re valued, and you’re perfect just the way you are.
<3
