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modestCherry9572
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PathStep 4 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2022 Member sinceOctober 19, 2021
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Accommodating Strengths and Weaknesses Issues
Relationship Stress / by modestCherry9572
Last post
 July 31st, 2022
...See more So my sister, her boyfriend, my boyfriend, and I went to go play tennis. My boyfriend's friend was invited along by joint decision by my sister and my boyfriend, so I suggested they ask him to bring a friend so it was still an even number. He didn't bring a friend so we were stuck as five people and my boyfriend suggested 3v2 if i wanrwd to join them in playing. At that point, they all filtered to baseline spots and I couldn't bring myself to say that 3v2 doesn't work well, especially in front of his friend who I was worried might feel bad about not bringing anyone. I especially felt stuck because even if I went to the net to try and join, I'm 5 feet tall... I can never play net. I felt even worse after they changed courts to one with better lighting but didn't tell me as I was on my phone asking a friend for advice. I looked up and they were gone so I awkwardly gathered m resolve up to get my stuff and move over to the bench by them. When I got there, my boyfriend just said "oh hey (my name)." After, I talked to my sister and my boyfriend about how the experience was for me when my sister asked. She knows that my nonconfrontation nature goes exceedingly far and that I freeze and lock up. Normally she's better about accommodating because she knows how I am and apologized that she forgot. I didnt expect my boyfriend (9 months) to know or know how to help accomodate this, but he didnt even seem to understand why I felt like how I felt and why he should help reach out. Even just asking a question or checking in about whether I'd want to play would help. He also thinks I should've said something about 3 v 2 not working when he brought it up and that I should've just walked over and told him I want to switch. But the issue is that I felt like I couldn't say that 3v2 doesn't work when he said it right in front of his friend who is the reason that's the option. That to me is confrontational. And I don't have the boldness and confrontational ability to go up to someone and tell them to switch out with me. This is something that I've been workikg on slowly but its long and hard and sometimes I need the helping hand or just understanding after. It's especially uppsetting because I accommodate his inability to ask people he doesn't know well questions and his inability to talk to strangers. I just needed to talk about this somewhere. Thanjs for reading if you did. I know its inconsequential but it was heavy on my chest and I just needed to write it somewhere out to sonewhere. If you have advuce or comments feel free to share.
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