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modestJar4286
1 79 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2019 Member sinceFebruary 17, 2019
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Coping with depression and loneliness
Depression Support / by modestJar4286
Last post
 February 19th, 2019
...See more Its my first time posting on a website like this so i apologize if i'm going overboard or something. I was very resistant to posting about this but i just thought i'll give it a shot. I've got nothing to lose. I've broken up with my girlfriend a year ago due to issues from her family which emotionally forced her into an arranged marriage. I've been so angry ever since then. I'm filled with so much anger and rage about what happened and how could something so disgusting happen to such a beautiful soul such as her. She was really done wrong by her family and it just makes me so sick. She deserved so much better than that. It hurt that i was so helpless in the situation and all i could do was stand and watch as the events unfolded. I still miss her till this day and sometimes it just gets so lonely. I have close friends to talk to and all that but its just not the same as having her. She has been forced to cut me out of her life due to her being put into that situation and it just hurts to be treated like nobody and like nothing ever happened. I am from a country where this sort of nonsense pertaining to marriages is normal and its something so deeply disgusts me. I will be moving out of the country hopefully in a couple of months for education but its just so painful to be this alone and angry. Being in this country isn't really healthy for me for a variety of reasons but i won't be able to leave until a few months. I was a very shy person and was never really truly happy previously. She changed that. She made me happy from the inside for the first time in my life. She gave me purpose and i loved just being there for her, taking care of her. She made me feel like the strongest person on the planet and that there was nothing that could stop me. It was truly magical just being with her. Sometimes when i come to know (after we broke up) that she'll be at an event that im going to or ill happen to be around her at someplace (although rare) , i get panic attacks. It hurts to see her being able to keep in touch with our friend circle but not with me (It's not her fault that she can't keep in touch with me but it just hurts). She meant the world to me and when that got taken away from me, i lost my shit. I'm just filled with so much anger and rage and the place i'm at right now just makes things worse for me. I so wish things could be how they used to be. I miss her so fricking much and some days, it just gets all too much for me. Nights especially are hard sometimes. I'm so disgusted with what mess she was put into by family and community and it made me question how could the world have so many disgusting things happening and just continues to go forward like nothing even happened (i know this doesnt make sense logically but thas just how i feel). My friends have helped me get through a lot and i owe them everything for even making it till now. They checked up on me, took care of me, made sure they heard me out and tried to help me as best they could. I just wish i could go back to being with her and being happy again.
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